Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
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All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
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Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
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Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
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As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
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For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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Related communities:
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Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
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No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
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Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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I have AvPD too. I think you're doing the right things, you have a support network and you are capable of setting boundaries. It is scary to start out alone with this disorder. Dunno about you, but I've always felt like my head is an easier place to be when I have people to reassure me that I'm not doing something wrong or haven't offended someone.
I have lived alone for almost ten years now, and sometimes that fear of loneliness and of becoming a crazy cat person rears is head for me, too. I have kind of embraced the hermit life though, because like you I have enough support in my life to feel some social fulfillment from the few interactions I have every week.
For people like us it's really important to find low-stakes opportunities to connect with people especially as we're not young adults anymore. Being a regular anywhere is a pretty good start, whether that's regularly walking a park or being part of a book club
Yes, like you i need to be told that what i'm doing isn't wrong or else my thought-carousel is devouring my soul :-/ Thanks :-) People like us are pretty rare, so i did not expect to see a response from someone who has the same disorder as i have. I'm happy that you commented :-)
It's the first time in my life that i will live alone and without any friends out there - i've always lived either with roommates or with my long-term relationships, so maybe it's for the best to be alone now. I know that i don't cope well with others, but the intimate relationships i had were making up for that (until they didn't anymore, but it took years to get to that point).
To be honest, a part of me is looking forward to being on my own. and the social service offerings in Vienna are pretty great for people with mental illness or in need of social contacts, so maybe my fears aren't even rooted in reality.
I will for sure try to stay connected to the group therapy settings. Like i said before in my other response, i can also see me visiting the library once per week or so.
Hah! That's such an apt description! There's a song with the lyrics "sick cycle carousel", that I have used to describe the spiral to my therapist. I might have to steal your phrase now xD
There's definitely some freedom to living alone, and it's amazing that you live in a city that has resources. I know you're worried, but everything you've said in this post makes me think you'll do quite well with this new part of your life. I'm rooting for you :)
Do libraries in Vienna also hold workshops and such? My local has a makerspace, and every quarter they will hold workshops to teach people how to use a sewing machine or 3-D printer. If nothing else it's really interesting to go and observe these events.
I've been afraid to even tell anyone in real life that I have the disorder, because people always think narcissistic or anti-social when they hear "personality disorder". And, to be honest, I wasn't very aware of cluster C myself until I was diagnosed. I'm glad it's rare, because it's a very difficult thing to yearn for deep connections and never feel worthy of them. Although, it is nice to know there are others who understand the fear-patterned thoughts
Anyway, you've got this! And feel free to reply here or dm if you need an internet stranger to cheer you on through something
Thank you for your kind words, this really gives me confidence that all might work out well.
Yes, Vienna is a great city - i've been born here and i love this city, i will never move away. The best public transport system in the world which only costs a buck per day if you take the 1-year-ticket, the air is great for a city with 2 million people, a lot of places where you can just sit down and relax on benches on the sidewalk, a pretty large forest with hiking routes around the town and lot's of green in the city to keep it cool in the summer. There are multiple support groups with therapy offerings which are fully paid by the city, i've been going there for 4 years and it didn't cost me a single dollar. That's socialism for you lol
I don't really know what our libraries offer. i've gonna have a look over the next few days.
I'm pretty open about my condition, so that everyone knows that when i leave suddenly, it's not because of anything they did, i've just reached my limit.
We are pretty rarely diagnosed, since we do not seek help in most cases. There are probably more people like us out there than is known, since we suffer silently and don't want to be a burden to anyone. A lot of them are probably wrongly diagnosed with "simple" social anxiety, but i can personally attest that it is possible to have BOTH at the same time. The AvPD was always here, but after i crashed hard with burnout i suddenly feared to answer the door and stuff like that. At least it seems that the older i get, the more i mellow out - i even can be nice to myself sometimes (my teens and 20s sucked big time tho)
Thank you so much! I will keep it in mind that you have an open ear for me if i need it, but you know how we are - i can't promise that ;-) Take care of yourself!