It went from me wondering why I could never seem to be or stay social. I consider myself funny and people tell me that, so why do I struggle around people then? Why can't I make really social connection that aren't just surface level. And why can't I seem to change the way I live? I seem to do be unable to work on things I need to do because I have to stick to this rigid schedule.

Then nothing happened for a couple months, I just figured that I was anti social and moved on, but not really.

Then I was walking back to my car from work, and I was thinking about all this stuff, and wondering why I never like going places, and why I can't stand parties, and why when I come back from work I hide away from my family. And why can't i make eye contact??? I just kinda went, "Ha ha I wonder if I have autism lol"

One month later, I read a little about autism, and it really just fell into place. Oh I can't make eye contact because autism, I struggle with social situations because of autism, I can't say goodbye properly because of autism, YOU MEAN WHEN I THOUGH THAT I WAS JUST BECOMING MORE SOCIAL, WHEN I WAS ACTIVELY FREAKING WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE, CONSCIOUSLY WATCHING MY BODY POSTURE, CONSCIOUSLY LISTENING TO HOW OTHER PEOPLE TALK, (and on and on) THAT THERE WAS A FREAKING WORD FOR THAT??? I WAS MASKING???

Anyways haven't been tested yet but honestly it's so I can't be as doubtful of myself. I swear I'll struggle through a social situation and come home and go "hmmmm I'm not doing anything autistic rn that must mean I don't have autism and am just faking it". He says while sitting in a room by himself, stimming by spinning a phone in his hand, following his usual schedule, with low light.

Anyways sorry for the long post, but I guess that's expected.

TL:DR

I joked about me having autism and turns out I do.