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this post was submitted on 28 Nov 2024
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No Stupid Questions
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No such thing. Ask away!
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First - great job!
Take some time to recognize that you did well, even without practicing beforehand. You realized something shady was going on and got yourself safely out of there. You took action when you needed it most.
Ok, now to your questions.
You always want to check around you:
Once you have those questions answered, you can decide what you want to do.
-Sometimes, the answer is to leave immediately.
-Sometimes, you can go hang out with other people at the park and pretend to know them. Just tell them you’re scared of the guy watching you, pretend laugh for a couple minutes with them, and hopefully he leaves. If he doesn’t, then you can still leave, but he “knows” you were just with “friends.” You can even ask them to walk with you to the exit.
-Sometimes, the answer is to call a taxi so the guy can’t see what car you get into, and come back later for your car.
-Sometimes (as long as there are other people in the park), the answer is to confront him (from a distance). “Why do you keep looking at me? It’s weird.” Or, “Stop looking at me.” Or, “Fuck off.”
If you’re a woman, this isn’t the last time you’ll have an encounter with a guy like this.
In the future, recommend going with a friend or a dog if you can. Or, try to meet up with a local yoga group at the park (or start one!).
Final note - you didn’t deserve this. You deserve to be safe doing any activity in any clothing in any area. I’m sorry that wasn’t your experience. Sending you hugs.
Edit: One other option I forgot - Situation permitting, get evidence. Take a picture and/or video as you walk away. Your priority is still your safety, but getting evidence is helpful too so that you can identify the person later on (and also back up your story when it’s questioned because #america).
I get that it's not very fun to talk about, but I wish women would tell men about these constant risk assessments more often. We live in parallel worlds and it seems most men are completely fucking oblivious - even many of the mostly well meaning ones. And even when they're told about it they might initially dismiss it as crazy talk.
Yes. Say it out loud.
I am almost 50 years old and understood for the first time this month that the reason my wife doesn’t like going out alone to explore new places is fear of men and not fear of getting lost etc.
For mumble-mumble years it has never occurred to me to wonder about this
She definitely doesn't deserve this.
That being said, addressing him directly and with power, but calmly could be an option. Don't do it alone, but approaching a little and saying "I've noticed you at least 5 separate times and it's creeping me out, please stay away from me."
He'll most likely deny it or try to play it off, maybe even insult her, but standing her ground and saying "I don't believe you, I'm only asking nicely this time, there's no next time without the cops" and then walking away.
No insulting, no debating. It's a notice.
And of course, actually follow through, you see him again then call the non-emergency line and make a report. He can lie all he wants, once somebody has 2 or 3 police reports to prove he keeps showing up where they are then they can get a TRO within days.
It's not fair that she has to essentially make this her part time job, but it can be an effective option that doesn't have the side effects of making her look or feel at fault.
It's incredibly frustrating that the one being wronged has to keep their composure