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Does anyone not love using their bidet?
(lemmynsfw.com)
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this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2023
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No Stupid Questions
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I’ve got me some IBS, and have had a raw asshole on several occasions from the multi-poops.
Got a cold water model off Amazon for under $100, and love it. Not too much of a pain to install, and once it’s set it works great.
How I Use It
I lean forward so the cheeks open up like a delicate flower, then I turn the knob until I get a nice steady firehose blasting my asshole. I then shift my weight so the water runs along my crack, power washing each side in turn, then return to center for a final rinse of the dirty mud hole. If my butt’s a tingling from my unholy addiction to hot peppers, I might linger a bit to let the cool water soothe the pain, before finally turning off the water.
After a few seconds of dripping, it’s time for the paper. Grab a sheet or two and give a wipe, see if there’s any residue left. If so, keep wiping till it’s gone as usual, but using like 1/3 the paper you’d normally use for the same job. Now there’s no more raw asshole unless I get the shits at work and have to wipe with the literal tree bark they call toilet paper.
Bidet poetry.