There will always be another shitty person and yes it is exhausting. My partner is non-binary, I understand some of it. But online is literally the easiest place to be an ID and not a person. Don't put anything in your profile, don't hint stuff with your usernames, make your pfp a cartoon sheep, and only express anything that might bring harassment in places that will accept it, and make that a separate identity. I use the same username everywhere and it's unique, but I'm also not a target.

I can empathize with it being a problem, but there are (annoying and unfair) steps to mitigate it. It might even involve removing or abandoning all of your online identities so you can't be tracked down, but people get doxed all the time and have to start over.