ItsMe

I am a medical doctor but I chose not to do residency because I was not in a good place mentally. I got my ass kicked so badly in third and fourth year. I never failed an exam and honored most of my rotations but the culture was baseline harsh and at its worst outright abusive. I don't think any of this had to do with my capacity to learn facts or to empathize with patients. I just didn't like the people I worked under. I was so miserable. Fourth year was better than third but overall I learned the hospital wasn't a place where I wanted to be.

I am still in contact with my school and they are being nice but since they are all academic physicians they don't know about what my path could look like without residency. I have been looking up what my alternatives are, but I don't have a mentor who would be able to guide me about this specifically and I feel so lost. My family don't know anything about it and can't give any advice. I just want to talk to someone who can show me a light because right now it seems like I did all this to go nowhere, and I'm not suicidal but life does not feel exciting or hopeful right now.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS IS AGAINST THE RULES--I WILL STOP IF SO BUT DON'T BAN ME OUTRIGHT

I have been harness training the cat because the poor guy is so bored and wants to play all the time and we were at the park and a guy jogged by and cat bolted. So now he's alone at a park with a harness and a leash on. Yes, I looked for him for quite some time. I'm kind of angry at him, not for running initially, and I do blame myself for not holding the leash tight, but for not coming back while I was looking for him. I went home and I'm going back in a couple hours. I feel angry at myself for not being attentive enough and at him for running off and not responding for me. Part of me is like fuck it, if he wants to go so badly then fine, you do you since you want to so badly. But he has a leash and a harness attached to him, unless he got it off, so he's even more vulnerable to predators. I'm vacillating between being mad at the cat, mad at myself, sad, and apathetic. I miss my therapist.

If this kind of personal diary entry style post is discouraged on here please lmk and I will clean up my act.

Today there was a woman with a large dog in her grocery cart at Safeway, who gave me a jumpscare. I said "that's disgusting" and she said "you're disgusting," which is kinda to be expected from the kind of person to be as gross as to do that. I wish I'd told her that she might like eating her dog's asshole but other people don't.

Instead I told an employee, who had long hair with bright red streaks, tits, and was shorter than me, who said in the most apathetic way that I'd have to talk to a manager, and also told me I'd misgendered him. Okay, my bad, didn't use a pronoun, but you could at least act like you give a shit about a health code violation?

After I had to ask him to show me who was the manager and he rolled his eyes and waved in a general direction, I mentioned it to the manager and said it was a cart that people put food in, and he said "okay yeah I'll tell them" and then kept doing what he was doing. I don't know what they're doing to these Safeway employees but they don't care about anything.

I should have just dropped my groceries on the ground in front of him but I checked out and left and as I was leaving mentioned it to the security guard, who only spoke Haitian Creole? So I tried to tell him in French, and he kept smiling and nodding and saying "OK, good!" No man! Not good!

I constantly see this everywhere and idk where to shop for groceries now. Clearly nobody gave a fuck and I did report it to the Health Department who I'm sure isn't going to do anything. It's obviously not a service animal if it's riding in the fuckin cart.

There are a few dog beaches, and a bunch of beaches on the lakes and Puget Sound that don't allow dogs, but there are always dogs, and they're often off-leash. There is absolutely no enforcement of these rules so why would the owners follow them? Many of them are closed because of dog shit (and geese and other factors to be fair.)

Here's a link https://www.seattleschild.com/swim-beach-closures-update/:

"Dogs should not swim at public swimming beaches, especially when a closure is in effect. They’re more likely to drink lake water and get sick. Plus, dog poop contributes to the very water quality issues that cause closures.

"In fact, dogs are prohibited at public beaches in Seattle and many nearby cities. Choose alternate areas for dog-friendly water play for your pup’s safety and the community’s health."

It is so hard to find an establishment that doesn't allow dogs, even when the health code says they must. My friends keep asking to meet at breweries that are not even very cool (they all feel like airport hangars and the vibe isn't very fun) and there have been dogs going berserk in them trying to get at one another, or even a person walking by. Also, at one I almost stepped on an infant (human) who was crawling around on the floor...so yeah, I decline those invites.

So grocery stores, even non-dog beaches, breweries, and what else? I'm going to an outdoor game celebration on Sunday for Egypt vs. NZ and I am just praying the experience isn't marred by dogs.

Anyway this just happened to some elderly woman in Oregon who was just trying to take a walk by a creek https://www.reddit.com/r/BanPitBulls/comments/1u9qlqt/warning_graphic_nsfw_attack_in_oregon_616_on/ and I am getting a gun for my hikes. I just want a place to be free of this.

My hair is very dark brown, just shy of black, and I am religious about sun protection. Think big hat, heavy layer of sunscreen, Asian auntie vibe. I also freckle if the sun even licks me so I avoid it in every way possible. It's the main problem with skin aging and wrinkles, before smoking.

My scalp is **bright **white. When I part my hair, it appears that I'm balding. I am not balding. The stark contrast makes it look that way. I've looked at old pictures of myself when my hair was lighter and I always had parts where, when my hair decided to curl a funny way, were exposed, but it wasn't so stark a difference.

Does anyone else have this problem? What do you do?

Face self-tanner applied on the scalp, or dyeing hair lighter so it doesn't stand out so much were my ideas.

I was riding on a bike path and switched bikes with my companion because his was an e-bike and I wanted to try it out. I didn't realize it would accelerate after I stopped pedaling and crashed into him mildly. He didn't even fall off his bike but I overcorrected trying to avoid him and bombed down the hill. I'm covered in scrapes and I have a couple bruised ribs, bad enough that it hurts to laugh or move in certain ways. A couple people stopped and checked that I was okay after my mishap, so it was bad enough that others were concerned.

My ribs are killing me and I was just getting on my weight loss journey so this is gonna be annoying for a couple weeks and I just have to live with that.

Btw for those who don't know, usually for this sort of thing they don't x-ray your chest because it doesn't matter if they're bruised or fractured, the management is the same. (This is different in cases of flail chest or massive trauma.) So I don't know if they're broken or not I just know that if I sneeze it will feel like getting stabbed and I had a telehealth appt tomorrow where she may tell me to stick to NSAIDs and acetominophen because of my history of addiction.

I fucked up and let my cat free-roam outside and he was injured by another animal and lost for a week. I will never make that mistake again. It was one of the worst weeks of my life. I've learned my lesson.

Now I want to harness train and I was wondering if anyone had tips. He is wearing it at home to cover the wound sites and handling it beautifully. He is 5 years old and healthy/athletic and used to free-roaming so I am worried about taking it outside and having him slip out. Has anyone used a second harness at the same time as a failsafe?

I feel strange. I am going out with someone who never makes me laugh but is kind and helpful. He helped me set up my hammock but he doesn't get my humor and when I try to show him what I'm interested in he acts like my cat when I show him that I'm eating something he won't like. Sniffs and walks off. It's like he wants to be interested in my little things but is unable to force himself. When I tell a joke he doesn't get it unless I overexplain it. I have never been married and I hear that people learn to put up with all sorts of things but it always sounds hellish to me.

So I do love him but I don't love love him, and can't see a future with him, but I don't hate him.

I don't know how to hold opposing opinions about someone without getting upset with them. It's my cross to bear.