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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Negative-Pin4757 on 2023-10-06 20:51:02.

So I have some neighbourhood kids that live around me and they are absolutely feral. They run around screaming and beating the crap out of one another, curse adults out, and generally are just little terrors. The rest of the kids around are gems, but this set of siblings are totally out of control.

Yesterday at 5 am, they were at it again,straight up shrieking in their backyard. Their yard is adjacent to my room. I went outside and said “have you ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf? He screamed and screamed for no reason, and eventually nobody came to help when he needed it because they thought he wasn’t being honest.” I then went back in and slept for a couple more hours.

Around 7:30, I woke up to the kids’ mom outside my door, knocking like her life depended on it. When I answered, she yelled at told me I scarred her kids for life and said that I was out of line with her kids and that I was never allowed to speak to them again. I told her that if I couldn’t speak to her kids or her when they were being loud at 5 am, I’d just call the cops. She said that she couldn’t control when her kids woke up and that she shouldn’t be punished for it. I agreed, but added that I also shouldn’t be punished because the kids she chose to have wake up at 5.

If it were after 7 am, or the kids were super young, I would give them a pass, but the kids are 6 and 9. Maybe I’m bonkers, but that seems like a reasonable age to know about quiet play. If it only happened every so often, I wouldn’t mind. Kids are kids. But this is daily and I am tired of it.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WiseIndustry676 on 2023-10-06 20:39:18.

I (22F) hate texting - I only text people once a day. The issue is I have a friend who loves texting and is constantly messaging every second. Many of his friends and family don't mind it and some do. Some people had to have profound words with him over him texting them constantly and he's respected chiefly their wishes and has slowed down with the texts.

For the last six months, he's been sending messages in a way he thinks it's the funniest thing in the world but it annoys the fuck out of me. I think it would do with everyone else, but instead of texting, "Hey, how are you?" he decides to text like this: "H e y h o w a r e y o u ?" and sends the letters all individually.

When he texted the first time, I thought even though I found it annoying, I'd ignore it as he's only done it once, but he continued to send messages like that. After the third time, I asked politely if he could stop sending me messages like that, as it's annoying. He said he would continue to send messages like this on and off. I told him numerous times to stop, and a few times, I've said it's childish, pathetic and stupid to send messages like that, and it's not funny. He has admitted to sending messages like that because he gets a thrill, as he knows it pisses me off.

A year ago, I decided to move from Android to iPhone and finally invested in an excellent iPhone 7 and turned on iMessage. I wonder if effects are the correct terminology, but along with the messages, he would send these effects, mainly one effect: the laser where the laser shows up on a text.

Recently, I had to turn off all messaging notifications like Messenger, Snapshot and WhatsApp because he's constantly sending me messages like this. Not only that, I am a full-time undergraduate student and I need to concentrate on my studies and I have notified him in the past that I am studying and not to message me but he sends the messages like that even with the notifications off.

I finally snapped. I went on messages and found out I had 67 messages from him all individuals. I sent him this exact message:

"Mate

Listen, I get you think that this is hilarious sending individual letter messages but it's not. I think it's pathetic and childish and annoying; after all, you are 22. I have told you so many times to please stop sending me messages like that because it's annoying, and even you said you only do it to get a kick out of annoying me. Not only do you say you're a friend but I have told you in the past I am studying and to please not message me unless it's an emergency and yet within a minute you're responding by sending individual letter messages. Because and only because of you I've turned all my messaging notifications of on any platform I have where I am able to send messages and I think it's childish and pathetic and you should grow up. So fuck off and don't text me unless you're going to text like normal people do."

Reddit, AITA for this and if so/not, why?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Intelligent-Tone-473 on 2023-10-06 23:14:53.

My fiancé (37m) and I (28f) have been together for 9 years, living together for 4. He recently, within the past four months, has decided to go on a keto diet and is spending most of his free time at the gym getting in shape. He also read a book about the health benefits of a keto diet. He was never overweight, he just wants to get more fit, healthy and muscular, according to him. I have always been in relatively good shape, I am 5’3” and weigh between 125 and 130 pounds at any given time. I’m probably 10 pounds heavier than when we met, but I’ve been a consistent weight for at least four or five years now.

I’ve also been eating/cooking keto in order to support my fiancé, but when he’s not around, I don’t mind eating carbs from time to time. I’m an Italian girl and love my pasta!

So on Wednesday night when we were cleaning up the kitchen, he took off the rubber bit in the sink drain to wash down some stuck food. In the drain he noticed one grain of cooked rice. Literally one grain of rice was in the drain. I had Chinese takeout for lunch that day, and because I knew he wouldn’t be home while I was eating, I thought I was OK to have rice because he wasn’t there to be tempted.

Tonight will be two full days that he hasn’t talked to me since the rice incident. He says that I am not supportive of him, and if I can go behind his back and sneak carbs, he doesn’t trust that I won’t go behind his back and cheat with another man! I’ve never cheated, and I’ve never given him reason to cheat. Once we moved in together, he didn’t want me to have male friends and I’ve stuck to that. I’m beside myself. I don’t know what I did wrong or even if I did anything wrong. I truly do want to support him in his health journey, and if I knew it was such a big deal, I never would’ve had the rice. He’s called me an asshole among other names, and says that he’s not sure that he can continue with our relationship. I know that being in a successful, committed relationship takes some sacrifices. Did I screw up here? Am I the asshole?

Please be kind. This is the only relationship I’ve ever been in, and I’m not experienced with this sort of thing.

Edit:

Thanks for the responses. I’m pretty embarrassed now that I posted because everyone seems to be saying a variation of the same thing.

Just to clarify, he was ok with me having work guy friends when I worked and went to school. I don’t work now so he thinks it’s unnecessary to have other male friends since it’s not critical to a career. He has female friends at work so that’s different. I don’t mind who he’s friends with because I trust him. He said if I was still working that I could have my male work friends again. I’m not working because he doesn’t want me to and now I think I’m going to go throw up after reading what I just wrote.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/UpstairsEgg6346 on 2023-10-06 22:33:58.

My(m43) mother had one sibling, my uncle who was survived by his 2 daughters; Ann(26) and Lisa (24).

My uncle wasn't the best with money. Growing up Ann and Lisa didn't have much. So every time I would fly over to the states and visit I would try my best to spoil them, however I could. Especially as my business grew bigger and better, I tried my best to support my two cousins. They're my last piece of extended family, and they're like little sisters to me.

Their father passed away from covid. Didn't leave them much.

Last year Ann got married to her 'soulmate', overall great guy; has a good career, respectful, faithful, trustworthy, and humble. I couldn't be happier for her. I pitched in together with the groom's parents to pay for the wedding. Nothing too expensive or outrageous but we all agreed it's a good gift for newlyweds to start their life.

Now this week. Lisa says she wants to marry her current boyfriend/fiancé, MJ. Obviously she asked me if I would be willing to pay. And normally I would. But not if she is marrying this dude. I can't in good conscience spend so much money on a relationship I do not believe in with a guy I absolutely dislike and completely disapprove of.

I only met MJ a couple of times but from my interactions with him this is what I got: he has a hood mentality, he completely disrespects my eastern European heritage, he cheated on her once, he works a part time job as a cashier and has no goals or aspirations for the future.

I told her, she is welcome to get married to him, and I will come to her wedding and giver her a gift, but she can forget about me footing the bill if she really wishes to marry MJ.

Well she got extremely angry, called me an asshole and whatnot. But what bugs me is that my wife's I'm an ahole for 'playing' favorites and "controlling" who Lisa marries.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CantModGamesHelp on 2023-10-06 21:53:37.

Context: growing up my dad has sports cars, and I was never allowed to drive them, even once I got my license. My older brother however could drive whatever car he wanted whenever he pleased.

Im in my mid 20s now, and I am still forbidden from driving any of his cars. Recently I got my dream car, 1969 dodge charger RT. I've been saving up for a decade for this car, and sacrificed a lot to get this car, its even a manual.

Well the other day when I was showing my parents my dad wanted to take it out for a joy ride, I told him no. When he asked why I basically told him "you never let me enjoy your cars why should I let you enjoy mine?". I did let them ride in it with my mom driving, but my mom always let me drive her truck whenever. I feel kinda like an asshole for not letting him drive it but I also feel it's fair since he never let me enjoy his. I probanly have a chip on my shoulder too since its my dream car and its insane to see a decade of work come together for it.

AITA for not letting my dad drive it?

Edit for info: I am male, but I'm the youngest of my siblings. The brother mentioned here is the first born, who can do no wrong.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Critical_Morning7896 on 2023-10-06 20:59:52.

So I (23F) was raised in a very veryyyy religious household. My parents are sunni muslims and from when I was 5 years old I had to wear the hijab and pretty much had religious dogma shoved down my throat.

When I was 16 I tried to take off my hijab and my parents freaked out (my mom even cut off my hair in an attempt to force me to wear the hijab). Eventually once I was 18 I managed to escape via uni and had very limited contact with them since. Luckily I am in Canada so there wasnt much they could do to me once I turned 18...

My younger brother (15M) reached oht recently to say that my dad is quite sick in the hospital and keeps asking for me and asked if I could come and see him and wear the hijab just to give him peace in case he does not recover.

A part of me wants to see them again but I have a lot of trauma regarding my hair...it took years to grow it after my mom cut it off and being forced to stay gome with no friends growing up made me quite stunted in uni which ngl makes me very resentful.

My bro is very understanding and isnt religious himself (apparently my mom and dad chilled out once I went LC) but he feels bad for my dad and mom so he's pretty much begging me to just do this once for them and then cut them off for good.

Im ok to see my dad in the hospital (maybe not my mom she was the disciplinarian growing up) but putting the hijab back on is a no go. I wasted 18 yeads of my life wearing this and I cant stomach another second...

My bf also understands and has my back but I cant help but feel a bit guilty? So reddit AITA? Or should I stay firm and maybe even go full no contact if things escalate?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/babydoll_j on 2023-10-06 13:25:09.

Typing on mobile so I apologize.

I (21f) have been dating my bf (23m) for over a year. His ex gf (28f) had their daughter in 2021. She’s now almost 3 and such a lovely kid.

BM and I have not really gotten along that well, we’re civil at pickups and drop offs but we aren’t friends at all. We both have very different views on a lot of things. She’s very much on the crunchy/hippie mom type of thing. No big deal, everyone lives their lives in different ways and I don’t have a problem with it.

His daughter started spending the weekends at our place and it’s been a great time. Her mother gave me a list of all of her favorite foods which was perfectly fine because I wasn’t sure what she liked at all. Now here’s the issue, she buys all natural and some vegan style foods for their daughter. Once again no biggie she wants her daughter to eat healthy and all of that jazz BUT she has food stamps.. She is able to spend a good chunk of money on all of these foods for her daughter so she eats healthy. My bf and I don’t have food stamps since we don’t qualify for it (we actually tried to get them).

We had BM over for dinner so she could see the place and her eyes nearly burst out of her skull at some of the stuff I had. I got a good amount of off brand healthy stuff for their daughter. She started tell me that I needed the on brand stuff since it’s all she buys and etc etc. After she left I talked to my bf about all of it and he said that he just wants to make BM happy and that we should just follow all of her rules and such. I rarely give my opinion on things regarding their daughter but I just can’t hold back on this because it’s starting to bother me and we really can’t afford to get these things.

So, WIBTA for telling my boyfriend how to raise his daughter at our house?

Edit for any confusion, when I said BM i meant baby mom, not bio mom. sorry for the confusion

Edit 2: I would also like to add that our budget is between $200-$250 depending on what we need. He does give me money for her groceries and snacks specifically. Our last shopping trip we went over our budget to about $325 because I decided I would just buy the name brand stuff. We work out of finances on every check and split everything evenly for whatever we need like groceries, bills, rent, miscellaneous stuff we might need during the month.

Final Edit: Wow okay so I got a lot of mixed answers lol. I know the title seemed misleading I just didn’t know how to phrase it at first. With all the comments I read and replied to really makes me feel like I wouldn’t be the AH which I appreciate a lot. I’m planning on talking to my boyfriend about everything and setting up boundaries and such with his ex gf. Thank you guys so much and I’ll try to reply to more comments.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BlondeEmo317 on 2023-10-06 21:10:11.

This will be my first post. So bare with me.

I (28f) have two children by my ex (32m).

It's been a decade since I had our kids, and he has never had anything to do with them. I never got help, no child support, nothing. Only one person in his family was somewhat in their lives. His parents, never were, but his mother likes to play grandma of the year. Late last year he told the family member we do talk to he was wanting to make amends. I spoke to him first, telling him that I wasn't doing this in and out bs, and he better make sure he wanted to stay, because if he walked out I'm done and will be going for child support. He said that's fine and he wanted to be in their lives. So I talked to my kids, and they also wanted it. So I said fine. He hung out with them 1-2 days A MONTH. That's it, which was fine, as long as he was consistent. After about 4 months he stopped texting me back, and reblocked me on everything. So I did what I said I was going too, and took him for child support. His family was mad, and acted like I'm the person at fault and that their precious baby shouldn't have to take responsibility. Well our final court date was Wednesday, and I got my child support. Yesterday, I ran into his dad, and he wanted to talk to me. He basically said he'd make sure he'd get the kids and take care of them two weekends a month if I drop the child support. He apparently has another child he pays on, which total for both child support cases its almost 700$ a month. He makes 2200, and his dad said he won't have any money left over. His parents bought him a house and pay his bills. I know he blows a lot of money but I'm not sure why I should drop my child support because his dad wants to continue to coddle him? I took care of them by myself, with no help from them. I paid for everything and made sure they had everything. Why should I continue to pay for everything so he can be forced into a relationship with them?

I'm a people pleaser and I feel bad, but at the same time I don't. So I just want to know if I'm the asshole if I tell them screw off I'm taking his money?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/InquisitiveMomAsks on 2023-10-06 20:17:05.

Throwaway. First time posting. Fake names used.

There's a lot going on, but I'll try to only give what's necessary.

I (50F) and husband "Adam" (50M) have a daughter "Jill" (20F) who is in college & still lives at home. Jill is about 10 weeks pregnant. We had never met her boyfriend "Jack" (23M) before this happened. Adam put a rule in place after the last boyfriend of you have to date 6 months before we meet them. There was a thought that the ex bf might become a stalker. Jill and Jack have been together somewhere around 4 months. Jack has a daughter (2F) that he doesn't pay child support for and only recently started seeing regularly because the mom wouldn't let him. There is no support order in place.

Jill called and asked if Jack could come inside and meet us, since they were together and she needed to pick up something. Adam was opposed but said yes, because of me. The hellos were good. Jill asked if I wanted to ask Jack any questions. I said no. She asked if I was sure. I said yes. Jack said I could ask anything. After looking at them both for a few seconds I said okay and took him to the dining room. I just came out and asked what made my daughter so special that he would take care of her child and not the child he already had. He gave the excuse of the mom didn't put him on support. And he basically didn't want to give her anything because he didn't know if it would go to take care of her. I told him those were all bs excuses. Adam did aggressively chime in and say he would push Jill to file for support. I wasn't prepared for that. I think I quickly changed the subject and asked about Jack's job and how it worked. I thought things ended good, even if I wasn't happy about the support answer.

It has been about 6 weeks since this all happened. We just found out that he hasn't been back because we made him feel uncomfortable. But Jack also still lives at home and his mother makes Jill uncomfortable all the time, saying she loves her and wanting her to say it back, or telling her to call her mom and that she can be a mother figure, to wanting to touch her stomach, to telling her personal things about herself. Jack thinks that Jill should suck it up and not try to set boundaries because they get to be at his house.

AITA for coming straight out and asking daughter's boyfriend a no nonsense question on our first meeting?

Edit: Just quickly... A lot of people are thinking that Jill got kicked out and doesn't still live at home. She does. Also the rule which I think should have been 3 months not 6 is in place because Jill tends to only date for 3 months. We also have a younger child and don't want guys in and out all the time.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ju29ro- on 2023-10-06 20:11:25.

I'm 32 m and she's 27 f.

This story starts two months ago

Neither her or her boyfriend are economically stable and she got her pregnancy test positive. Their decision is to keep it apparently, despite the less than ideal circumstances.

She asked our parents to pay for the expenses but they are also not in a good spot financially (I often lend them money and then they return it after a few months), so they asked me to borrow money from me in order to help her

I told my sister that she should not put our parents in that spot knowing the troubles they already have.

But against my better judgment, I sent money. The first amount was already double of what my parents usually ask me and now I just got another request of the same amount

I'll be straight up honest here, I don't think I'll ever see that money back and I don't wanna pay anymore than I already did. I said it openly and clearly

Now of course I'm the devil himself for not wanting to give away a chunk of my salary every month for something that I should not be held responsible for

So, aita?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/aitaproposals on 2023-10-06 20:38:46.

Hi everyone. There is a bit of drama happening between my boyfriend (28M) and I (26F) currently and I need help.

I think context is extremely important here. 9 years ago I had an extremely traumatic experience - I was at the beach with my friends when I got caught in a rip and started drowning. Thankfully a bodyboarder held me up as I started going under and then a lifeguard brought me back to land. Ever since this happened I have developed a severe fear of the water. I have not gone swimming since, I won’t even get into a bathtub. I absolutely hate the water. My boyfriend is aware of this.

It was our four year anniversary three days ago and he had planned a super big surprise for me. But as soon as we arrived at the marina I realised what was happening and I went into panic mode. My boyfriend had chartered a private yacht for our anniversary. I told him “you know that I cannot get on a boat.” He asked me why not. I had to remind him that I am fearful of the water. He quickly became frustrated, and told me that I’m not going in the water I’m going to be on a yacht so it’s “safe.” I explained to him that’s irrelevant I literally cannot be near or on the water without freaking out. I blatantly refused to get on the yacht. Long story short, we returned home and he started arguing with me immediately.

I told him that I will give him the money that he paid for it, but he said that he isn’t angry about the money he wasted, he’s angry that I ruined something romantic that he had planned months ago. He then revealed a ring box and told me he was planning on proposing to me on the yacht. I was surprised by this but also confused. I asked him why he thought it would be a good idea to propose to me on a yacht knowing my trauma surrounding the water. To which he replied “go to a fucking therapist and work it out then instead of punishing and embarrassing me over it.”

We’ve barely spoken since. I do feel guilty, and I absolutely do want to marry him as he is the love of my life but I cannot control my phobia. And I do think he should’ve have known better. He could’ve chosen literally anywhere else to propose to me but he really thought that’s the best place? Now I’m just really confused. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/espanol-wed-throw2 on 2023-10-06 20:25:08.

Two years ago I (M26) met my girlfriend Valentina (F23) at an Astros game and we started dating soon after that. We fell in love quickly and within a year, I was convinced that Valentina was my soul mate. She's beautiful, witty, charming, headstrong; in short, I wouldn't trade her for the world. I proposed to her in June and she accepted, and we've been starting to plan our wedding over the last few months. If everything goes smoothly, we'll be married in February 2024.

One thing that I believe is important to mention is that Valentina's an immigrant from Mexico and I'm a white American. While this hasn't caused any major issues with our families, as my family loved her immediately and her family liked me as well, it's recently become a point of contention with my family. Because most of Valentina's family is still in Mexico and a lot of them can't speak English (even Valentina struggles with the language's intricacies from time to time), Valentina asked me if we could have part of the ceremony in Spanish. I wanted her family to be able to experience the wedding fully, so I agreed to this almost immediately.

However, when I brought this up to my family, they were less than enthused. My parents voiced displeasure that they wouldn't be able to understand some of my wedding (while I'm pretty much conversational in Spanish, they only speak English) and my brother called me out for "inconveniencing" my family to "pander" to my in-laws. I refused to change this part of my wedding and while Valentina's grateful to me for this, I can't help but wonder if this is the right hill to die on.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Misunderstoodqueen24 on 2023-10-06 20:07:22.

Me (30) my Fiancé (35) which got custody of his (11 year old ) recently and I’m currently in nursing school and I don’t work. I told my fiancé that I don’t want us to have any more children until I get done with school because having a newborn and his non independent child would be rough on me . He think I don’t want to have no more children because his daughter is here now and I did state to him that I’ll be fine with raising one child while I’m in school but not two. He also feels like I can handle it cause I don’t work and just go to school.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/HourStatistician2444 on 2023-10-06 19:49:54.

I (28F) have an older brother Adam (30M) and my Stephanie SIL (28F). Every year my family and I take a big trip and time of year depends on everyone's schedules. This year we collectively agreed for the second week in December. Those going on the trip include my husband Justin (33M) and I, our twin 2 year olds, my parents, and my brother, SIL and their 3 year old. My mom always makes all of the travel arrangements to ensure everyone is on the same flights, kids sit with parents, hotels are the same, etc. Everyone is on their own for getting to and from the airport at home, but car my mom makes car arrangements from the destination airport to the hotel and hotel to airport when leaving. While my mom makes the arrangements, my husband and I always Zelle/Venmo my mom for our portion of flights and hotels. My brother and SIL do the same thing.

This year everyone agreed to Disney World in Orlando. My mom as usual made all the reservations and what not about 2 months ago. My husband and I paid my mom our portion about a week after the reservations were made. Last night Adam texted husband asking if we had paid my parents yet. He said we had a while back. Adam then asked Justin if we could pay his family's portion of the trip. Not sure if everyone has been to Disney but it's ridiculously expensive these days. Justin told him we couldn't swing it with our budget at the time. We both work full time and make decent money but we don't have the kind of money that is just throw away. My brother and SIL both also work full time, and my nephew is not in daycare, my brother's mother in law watches him free, while we pay for 2 kids in daycare. Adam said responded with "Well ok then." and quit texting him.

Queue to this morning where I woke up to several texts from Adam calling Justin an asshole for nothing being a "good brother" and paying for their family. I told Adam I agreed with Justin and we just can't swing the money for them in our budget. I apologized and told Adam he was out of line for calling Justin an asshole and wouldn't stand for it. Adam again asked me to pay and said it could be our Christmas present to him, my SIL and my nephew. If I had the spare money to do it that way, I would, but I don't have the ability to do that, so I can't. I told him I couldn't do it and told him to reach out to our parents about a payment plan or something. Adam called Justin and I AHs and said we ruined their vacation.

I'm kind of surprised by my brother's behavior, but are Justin and I the assholes here?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/imhereforthefreemeal on 2023-10-06 19:25:49.

We are a couple in our early to mid 30's expecting our first child (not necessarily relevant except alot of our friends are also in this point of their life including the couple being referenced). We, like most of our friends are pretty settled in our lives, have decent paying jobs and are for all intents and purposes home owning adults now.

One couple in our friends group will invite you over to their home for dinner and will always without fail send you over a venmo request to split any food whether ordered or prepared. The last instance the other night we all just shared two pizzas and within 10 minutes after leaving their home got the request for money.

This doesn't necessarily keep us up at night and we don't really have a hard time finding the money to split the bill but me and my wife feel it's a big difference when specifically being invited over to someone's home for dinner vs say going out to eat and splitting the tab at a restaurant. So are we the AH's for expecting when being invited to someone's home for a meal that you are typically treated to that meal free of charge?

As a side note we and many of our other friends / couples within the same group never charge each other if we invite people over for food / drinks unless the gathering is large with multiple groups of people or is implicitly known ahead we're looking to split the cost. We're used to this at this point and have learned to expect it from this couple but has gotten old and from now on just plan to just stop going over for dinners and will either eat ahead on our own or find other things to do with them.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TheBigDawg96 on 2023-10-06 18:18:12.

This just happened this morning and I feel really bad about it. My boss is buying lunch for everybody and I said I didn't want anything. Everybody else was shocked and questioning me about it. I'm not trying to be a dick theres multiple reasons I dont want to eat. For one I usually only have one meal a day at night because I have trouble eating so it's always a chore for me to eat food. Secondly I have missing teeth and I have a flipper in with fake teeth that I would have to take out in front of everyone to eat so I'd rather save myself the embarrassment. I'm diabetic and the food they want to get would skyrocket my blood sugar and I would need to take a shot which I dont want to do right now. Lastly I work in a cleaning job and I dont want to touch food while I'm working I'm paranoid about that even if I wash my hands. just all in all dont want any food but I feel so awful about turning it down I dont want to seem disrespectful especially because I've only been here a week. Am I the asshole here?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/netcrack on 2023-10-06 17:10:43.

Hey everyone,

My (M36) sister (F33) turned 30 three years ago. I decided to give her a voucher for a private alpaca hike as a present. We all like animals but I also thought it would be a good opportunity for some family time, maybe including our parents and her kids.

Over time, I've asked her every few months if she had some plans already, not to push her to do it but simply for planning reasons, so I wouldn't be on vacation then or something. She was always dismissive of the idea, not directly saying she didn't wanna do it but always like "I don't wanna think about it right now, we'll have to see ..." giving off the vibe that she was a bit annoyed by the inquiry and not keen on doing it at all, so I left it at that.

The time passed and nothing ever came of it. I recently noticed that the voucher would expire at the end of this year and I didn't want it to go to waste, as it a) would have been sad but also b) the hike was fully prepaid, non-refundable and not that cheap (200€) because it is exclusive to the group with a dedicated guide.

A few days ago, I thus texted my sister via WhatsApp, saying:

"Hey, how are you and the kids? How is it going? Just a quick question: do you already have some plans for the alpaca hike? I noticed that the voucher expires by the end of the year and it would be a shame if it would expire unused, also as it was somewhat pricey. Do you wanna do it? If not I would also take the voucher and go in your place. Have a nice day!"

I didn't receive any answer whatsoever. Today I saw her at an unrelated family gathering. Towards the end I asked her "did you read my message?" she was like "yea ..." and I responded "and you didn't wanna reply or ...?". She said "No it wouldn't have been nice ...". Then I took her aside and asked what the problem was.

She then started to quietly yell at me that it was totally disrespectful to watch so closely what happened to the gift and that she would never "ask for a present back", especially in that "demanding tone of mine", being extremely pissy about it. I went ahead and explained that it was really not my intent to upset her, that I thought she maybe had forgotten about it in the stress with the kids and all, and that it wasn't an allegation or criticism. Also I reiterated that I by no means am asking for anything back, I'm just offering to jump in to prevent the voucher from expiring unused if she didn't wanna go.

She wouldn't have any of it, insisted that it was "totally weird and inappropriate" and that it wasn't my business what happened with her presents. She then explained that I "don't need to worry about it" as she would do it but without me and that she wouldn't talk about it anymore. I'm pretty sure that she wouldn't have done it at all if I hadn't said something and the main reason she's now doing it is spite.

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok_Rain9 on 2023-10-06 18:41:50.

I (27f) have been invited by my friend Tom (32M), as a plus one to his older brother's wedding (36M).

Tom and I met at a party and have been friends for 10 years. He asked me out when we first met and I said no. He's been in a few relationships over the years and had a long-term girlfriend for four years.

Tom broke up with his long-term gf in March and asked me out quite a few times afterwards. This caused tension within our friendship, but the last time we spoke about it, he seemed to understand that I wasn't interested, and a relationship with me was never going to be on the table.

His family has been putting pressure on him settling down and getting married, especially since his brother got engaged. He asked me if I could be his plus one to his big brother's wedding so he wouldn't go alone, and I (reluctantly) said yes.

Tom told his brother about me, and his brother said he'd like to meet me before the wedding "in case it's awkward" and he doesn't want anyone ruining his wedding. I thought this was a tad strange because I'm only a plus one. I'm not part of the wedding party. But I said sure, arrange something if you want to.

Tom's brother has since told his mother and father about me. Now his mother wants to meet me before the wedding too, as Tom said: "just to make sure you'll fit in with everyone". I feel like I'm being screened and I'm finding it kind of offensive.

I'm starting to think maybe Tom has implied I'm more than a friend to his family. It's making me uncomfortable.

So, WIBTA if I pulled out of the wedding? Or is this normal and I'm being overly sensitive?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Only_Option_996 on 2023-10-06 18:22:14.

I 18F am in my freshman year of college. There’s this girl (name) who’s autistic and I chat with her often because she’s very nice and has a hard time making friends.

There’s a study area that I go to for studying because I’ve heard that studying in your dorm room is distracting. I found a nice little spot there hidden from everyone so I’m not distracted. One day (name) found me there and wanted to chat. I had fun and talked with her.

The next day I’m sitting at the spot and she comes up. I make small talk but then tell her that I have to focus on studying so I can’t chat anymore. She said ok, but proceeded to stand right above me staring at what I was doing. I didn’t want to seem rude and ignore her so I just chatted with her until she went away. This proceeded to happen several more times throughout the week. She would walk up to me and when I tried to hint at her to go away, she would continue to talk to me.

Yesterday I went to the study spot and she was sitting there. I acted nice, I know it’s not MY spot obviously, so I found another one on the other side of the building. She. Found It. And talked to me. I took off my headphones and told her that I like her as a person but I can’t keep talking like this when I need to study. I’ll admit I had a rude tone of voice because I was very annoyed. She started to get visibly upset and overwhelmed. She said that she wants to spend time with me. I got really stressed out not sure what to do, so I got up to leave. She grabbed my bag and I grabbed her wrist to remove her hand. She started yelling and making noises. I made a scared noise and then practically jogged away. I remember this moment for moment because I feel so bad about it.

She told her mom, who contacted someone, and now I have a scheduled meeting with the communications advisor next week. She emailed me about it and said she wanted to ask me some questions about the “incident” that happened with my classmate. I have no idea what she told her, and I feel horrible. She must have felt extremely rejected and upset, and I was so rude just because I was annoyed. AITA?

Edit it’s important for me to make it clear that she wasn’t trying to steal my backpack or hurt me by grabbing me. When I turned around after she grabbed it, she was smiling. I think she was trying to have fun with me but didn’t understand that I was very bothered

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Other_Armadillo_8617 on 2023-10-06 18:18:52.

My ex and I got divorced 4 years ago because he cheated on me. We have a 7yo son together. He is going through some kind of midlife crisis I guess and keeps dating different women. His new toy is a young girl in her early 20s and he seems to be serious about her. They got engaged a few months ago.

A few days ago when it was my custody time my son was invited to my ex MIL's home for her birthday. When it was time to go after my son and bring him back home my ex MIL insisted I go in and eat some cake and I agreed.

My ex's new toy was there and talking to my ex SIL. She asked her how many kids she is planning to have and she answered that she has always wanted 2 kids and since she already has a son she just wants one more, hopefully a girl.

News flash, she doesn't have any kids. She was talking about my kid. I told her to never refer to my son as hers again and reminded her that she doesn't have a child and my son is only mine. She called me a crazy bitch and asked me if I'm about to leave soon. I took my son and left

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/HRnewbie2023 on 2023-10-06 15:54:22.

We have a 3yr old son, from her previous relationship. She works 5 days a week currently in her dream career. I work all over week doing about 40 hours but spread over 7 days (I own eight food locations). We have a nanny for about 20 hours a week to cover when I can’t look after our son and partner isn’t around., mainly 6am to 10am weekdays and our son gets dropped off at partners work nursery by nanny at 10am. I pick him up as soon as my day is done so he’s normally there 2-3 hours. Currently his nanny time is paid by the maintenance she gets for him.

Partner has been getting jealous of all the sahm’s in area and now wants to give up two days work so she can hang out with them. Except that all have school age kids so she wants to extend the nanny time on her two days off so she can do other things, but she can’t afford it…she’ll lose income from her job and she want to spend more on herself so is insisting I pick up the extra costs and take over the full cost of the nanny.

I currently pay for everything except the nanny and partners car (this includes a cleaner and laundry service) plus I do all the cooking (I was a chef). All of her income is her own. I said no I work ft and I’m not sure why she shouldn’t.

Am I the asshole for not wanting to pay for my partners time off

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GreenDub14 on 2023-10-06 14:44:26.

Someone left their BLACK phone here on the squat rack and the bar near it on those black safety bars. I accidentally rolled the 20KG bar into her phone while adjusting the rack.She got all stingy that I didn’t see it.

I thought it’s a generally known rule that you SHOULD NEVER put your phone ON THE machines or near the weights. I apologized a million times yet she’s still the one giving me attitude. She’s the receptionist at the gym and now I feel bad even coming back. She said her phone case got scratched, i was thinking to offer to pay for it but I came closer and saw the phonecase had nothing visible & she was still stingy af. Am I in the wrong ?

I feel bad for not being careful enough and dping this mistake and I feel embarassed apoligizing a million times too. I have a hard time standing up for myself in general and now I’m stressing about this.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No-Elk-1596 on 2023-10-06 16:02:42.

I was doing a major clean up of my room yesterday and I called my mom to ask where the cleaning supplies were and told her what I was doing. I threw out a bunch of old junk, including old folders from my old school work. After 5 hours of cleaning, I was satisfied at how my room turned out. All the garbage I threw away got picked up by the garbage truck the next morning and my mom came to my room and asked where my orange folder was, I told her that I threw it away. She went outside to see if the garbage was still there, it was not. She said “you fucking idiot, why didn’t you tell me”. I was shocked and asked what happened. She told me that she had over $2,000 in there in cash. First we looked everywhere in the house in hopes that the orange folder wasn’t thrown, we couldn’t find it. Now she’s accusing me of stealing the money and using the clean up as an excuse, which is definitely not true. She’s making me pay that money back now, already went to the atm with my bank card and withdrew the $1,200 I had in there and told me that she’s going to garnish my wages from work (make like $300/month there), and is denying me dinner for 3 months. AITA? She hid the money in my folder and is now accusing me of theft. How the heck would I have known? I have dozens of folders and I didn’t check a single one because I only had my grade school crap in there

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/EricaCroft on 2023-10-06 15:47:19.

So, my friends married during covid and finally this month they will go on their honeymoon. They will visit multiple countries, including mine. We met about 3-4 years ago online, we talked and seen each other through web some times and now, it is finally time to meet in person! As they will be staying in my country for a couple of weeks, I offered them my house, so we could spend more time together.

However, only a few weeks before their arrival, they say that in order to enter my country I need to sign a responsibility statement for Foreign Nationals and Borders Service, in which I inform my home address, the days they are staying and I confirm that I am responsible for them and I have to cover the costs monetarily if something goes wrong during their stay.

I was alarmed and not sure if I wanted to take that responsibility. And why, you might ask, aren't they your friends after all? Well, in theory, yes. But do I REALLY know them? We met online, and there are so many scams nowadays that I don't want to get burn for being naive and nice.

Furthermore, there were a few red flags (or some situations that I could be misinterpreting now as I am not very happy with what they are requesting of me). Not long ago, they mentioned that they wanted to have another citizenship (of my country or another). Then, regarding this trip, they asked for my home address a few times... First, in order to have a phone card that works here, then to order something from Amazon.... (Why send it to my house, in a foreign country? Besides, it's a rly common and cheap object). It is easy to falsify that responsibility statement, they could just fill the information needed and fake my signature. They posture overall was kinda taking me for granted and way too comfortable.

I might be overthinking here....!

Anyway, I was clear with them and told them I was not feeling comfortable on signing that document as it is a huge responsibility. I will gladly open my house to them, but I don't want any problems with the law.

Of course, they got upset by this, saying that I am kinda ruining their honeymoon as without that document they can't enter my country and I should not live my life in fear and blablabla... I get that they are mad, I get it. I would be too. But, at the same time, I don't want to take that risk. Also, their attitude was not the best, first they only advised me about that document only two weeks before their arrival and they kinda started to throw rocks instead of trying to reason me and reassuring me I have nothing to worry about.

The reason I am posting this here is to see another points of view, as mine could be biased. What do you think? AITA?

PS: In the meantime, they found another friend (just within a few hours :o ) and they will stay with him and he will sign that responsibility statement. Also, they added something like it will be even better than staying with me...

TLDR: Friends are asking to sign a responsibility statement for them and I don't want to.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Spiritual-Assist6468 on 2023-10-06 15:43:57.

I (28F) am not happy for my little sister (19F) getting married. We don’t have any family left other than a distant uncle who lives across the country and couldn’t care less about us. I have tried to be the best role model I could be for her since we lost our only parent so young, but I feel like I failed. My little sister met this cook at the restaurant she works at and I don’t care what he does for a living, it has nothing to do with that but he’s 39. He is 39 years old and just put a ring on my 19 year old little sister’s finger. I met him once before and I didn’t realize he was that old to be honest, he looks good for his age. But I also didn’t think they would end up together so I didn’t think to press on it. She is constantly dating all these men, probably to make up for her severe daddy issues that I also have but we don’t need to get into that. I feel terrible because my sister was so excited to tell me she’s engaged, and I flipped out on her. I told her how disgusting it is that he is an old man and that she wouldn’t be able to live her life the way she wants to with a guy like that. She left my house crying and won’t answer me, it’s been 2 weeks. AITA?