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I (21M) am struggling to think as a single person (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by ameliorability@lemmy.world to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world
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Hello to my friends from Lemmy, the title may be misleading to some.

Long story short, I was in a relationship for a bit over 2 years and I broke up with her recently. I blocked her everywhere, and initially struggled with not thinking about her and our relationship all the time, but now I find it hard to think. Although I have coped and detached very well, it seems that I have nothing to think of, and if I'm not spending my time on entertainment or studying (e.g. in the car) I resort to thinking about my relationship again. It's been making me really unproductive and I'm not even sure what I was like when I was single.

It's not that I am obsessed with "her" or feeling anything, but I can't focus on nothing - it seems that my mental resources keep running and forcing me to concentrate on something. But I don't want to think of "her" again. The past few days I often thought of "her" sexually romantically or as physically present, but now I often stress about the relationship itself and question all the decisions I may have made in the relationship. I mean I've considered actions and things that happened in my relationship in a productive way but I keep on going back to thinking of those things again (which isn't helpful at all).

Does anyone have advice on how I can sit and focus productively or even neutrally, instead of trying to rethink and overthink a relationship that I've already thought of.

Edit: if you want further info about the relationship itself, https://lemmy.world/post/727078

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[-] HappycamperNZ@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

You're heartbroken mate, and speaking from experience it fucking sucks. I wasn't technically cheated on, but a week after doesn't make it feel any better.There is no way to really get past it - some say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but TBH I've never tried it. You're not just losing the person, you've lost the future you have planned together and are now trying to live a new one.

Best I have is that it takes time. You will find it getting less and less often, and hits less and less hard until its just gone.

[-] feidry@midwest.social 1 points 1 year ago

the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else

This does work most of the time but you also run the risk of falling for someone who isn't a great fit and then you're back in the same cycle.

Time heals all wounds, but that doesn't mean you won't have a scar.

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this post was submitted on 28 Jun 2023
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