Wasn't sure if I wanted to put it out there, but I needed a place to let it out. I suppose my situation was too good to be true. Dated for years, but the marriage itself did not make it to a single year, at least unofficially.
It's been a stressful time. She previously had a government job under an agency that doge culled. She loved her job. I realize that as a society we work too much, but to some degree people do want to feel productive and that many people find their workplaces to be places of belonging. She apologized for taking so long to come to this conclusion, but she mentioned that this time away from work has helped a lot with self-reflection.
I was aware that she considered herself bi previously and that she had relations with women before. I wasn't aware of the extent of it. She told me she felt compulsory heterosexuality for a long time, but wasn't entirely sure of it and I was her last chance in regards to men. She told me she still loved me, just not that way, and that I was the best partner she'd ever had, that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard. We discussed a lot of more private feelings, mostly trying to understand and showing concern for each other.
I support her. If that's how she feels then that's how she feels, and she deserves to be happy. I'm not angry with her, and we're not leaving each others lives, just changing roles. It still hurts a lot, but that's life sometimes. It isn't anyone's fault.
That said I'm glad I won't be doing anything tomorrow. I'm just struggling to function right now. And yeah, that's how it's going.
Edit: I slept in today quite a bit. I've read through most of the replies and it really melted my heart. I cried a bit. I didn't expect so many kind words or this much encouragement. I appreciate a lot of the advice too. I don't really know how to express any gratitude beyond this. I will try to reply a bit more later, but I need to take some more time to myself for a while. Thank you.
Might have been nice to mention this a year before the wedding rather than a year after.
Idk. It's nice to say this sort of thing generically. And if your friendship can survive the end of the relationship, that's healthy and good. But you've got every right to feel angry over what was an insincere commitment not a year earlier.
Don't feel that her revealed sexuality voids your right to your own feelings. For friends and family, grin and bare it. But for an intimate partner, keeping this kind of thing so late into the relationship is a kind of infidelity. The last thing you should feel is shame over your anger or your grief.
Good luck on the path forward. I hope you've got a circle of family and friends you can lean on along the way.
certainly seems like there's a middle path. having the anger, if it arises, but having agency over how it lives in you and how it gets expressed.
coming out is tough simultaneously as we are accountable for our impact on others