If he's pissing off both sides that must mean he's doing something right. I am very smart.
this post was submitted on 02 May 2024
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chapotraphouse
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I did a big diarrhea out of my doodoo ass and both the left and the right are being snowflakes
Good lord I know several liberals IRL who would say this exact thing unironically.
lol @ the pro-zionist crowd chanting "fuck Joe Biden" like dawg... he's on your side. chuds are so fucking dumb
Imagine seeing this as a Biden campaign staffer. What do you even do? Just pack up and leave at this point, you lost.
it's wild they're not even making an attempt to coopt this energy the way they did in 2020
How can they? It’s easy as Dems to twist the blm riots to be anti-Trump and coast off of that. They can’t really do that here and have to walk on eggshells when paying lip service because of how sensitive Israel is to even the mildest criticism
Using Hamas as a wedge, getting some inclusion of hostages or 10/6, etc.
Like there's marginal stuff here, and they're not even trying the same way they easily flipped abolish into defund, knowing all along they weren't gonna do either anyway. Their only play so far has been to bang the antisemitism drum and I don't think that's enough without pairing it with something like the above.
Give Biden's dog treats every time it bites a secret service agent to encourage the behaviour.
You don't even need to do that, all his dogs seem to have the spirit of Negro Matapacos in them and you love to see it
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What do you even do?
i have some ideas
Break out the 
?
Melchett: President Joe Biden has formulated a brilliant new tactical plan to ensure final victory over Trump!
Blackadder: Ah, would this brilliant plan involve doubling down on genocide and oppression while attacking the left?
Darling: How could you possibly know that, Blackadder, it's classified information!
B: It's the same plan that we used last time... and the seventeen times before that.
M: E-e-exactly! And that is what is so brilliant about it! Doing precisely what we've done eighteen times before is the last thing they'll expect us to do this time! There is, however, one small problem.
B: The fact that he's plummeting in the polls and everyone under 35 is calling him "Genocide Joe?"
M: That's right! And President Joe Biden is worried that this may be depressing the base a tad. So! He's looking to find a way to cheer them up!
B: Well, his resignation and suicide would seem the obvious route.
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Gotta love the mental gymnastics at work here
I hate them, therefore, they must love Joe Biden because *I* hate Joe Biden!
I’ve seen conservatives make fun of CNN… because they think it’s ironic that the woke students are turning against the woke anti American news that tell them what to do lol
He is trying his best to get to single digits approval rating
He's trying to beat Richard Nixon for least blue electoral map.
The old reverse-Mondale
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"Mr. President... Um... Ah... I strongly suggest you do not wear those shorts to the Almost Summer Get Out the Youth Vote! rally."
"I know - I know. Some of my aides think it's not presidential for me to show my bare old legs to America. But the old dogs are like me. They need some sun and I want reach out to the young folks and they show lots of skin. Trust me - I look at them. A lot. Tan. Firm. Young. Soft. Tan. Very tan. The tan girls with their taunt young sweet—"
"We feel your American flag shorts are are not appropriate."
"I heard all the complaints. But America needs me. She needs me. And I need her. I love America. We all gotta love America. Like we did before. Before. You. know. when? Strom Thurmond as a man... was a man..." he trials off into unintelligibility and gibberish for about 10 seconds. He snaps back "He loved America too!"
"We also feel beyond the flag problem there's another problem... It's a delicate problem... I don't know how to... What I mean—"
"Get to the point. Speak clearly. Out with it. Now."
"Well... They look like... diapers."
The next day the president goes out in his flag diaper shorts and with literally less than a minute #BidenFlagDiapers has been created. By the end of the hour it's trending. Within about a week Biden's poll numbers have fallen 10% and pundits are demanding an immediate reboot to save his dying campaign.
real product btw
~~Man up.~~
Biden up.
Biden in American flag chubbies is not an image I needed
rolls 1d4 for psychic damage
And then he goes into the Lincoln Bedroom for a nighty-night tryst with the First Lady - if you know what I mean.
NSFW / NSFL
Jill purrs as President Daddy takes out his enormous, prehensile cock—
I tried but I couldn't go there. Too Biden. Too strong. Too much. I could blackout.
Flashbacks to the finger bite intensify
why is it prehensile
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See that's why I do all my imagining in cartoon vision unless otherwise specified
New dem strategy: get approval rating to negative, causing underflow and instantly getting 100% approval
First president with 2147483647% approval!
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That's a typo, he means he will use Goodwill stores of this nation to unite the people because everyone of all walks of life has to shop there or fall behind on bills.
I am now waiting for Ezra Klein and Matty to write articles about how Biden is a master politician for undoing American polarization.
He is not the hero we need, but the hero we deserve.
You're thinking of Posadas
We deserve much less than that.
American Leto II
Vote Bluad'dib
PMC Libs: 
Is this horseshoe theory?
Dem strategy in theory: Publically calling for an end to Israeli war crimes while still funding the IDF means the Zionists and the people with souls are both satisfied
Dem strategy in practice: Zionists upset the cash cow, while still delivering cash, complained mildly; anti-genocide protesters upset there's still unlimited funding for IDF
1000 IQ play there Mr Brandon
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we did it joe 
Liberals will now be shouting about horseshoe theory while saying that they believe in democracy. If your party isn't popular on the left and right, maybe you don't deserve a seat at the table in your fake ass democracy based on your own rules
Talk about minority rule
I really think the democrats don't actually want to win
truly
At the very least, I don’t think Biden cares. I’ve never met anyone his age who actually cared about anything other than seeing their grandkids and getting to go on racist tirades at the drop of a hat.
That vid was lowkey hilarious.
🥰
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