this post was submitted on 05 Oct 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] ViatorOmnium@piefed.social 167 points 4 days ago (4 children)

This reads like some very iffy fan fiction.

[–] StabbingSky@lemmy.zip 93 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works 54 points 4 days ago (2 children)

NO WEIRDOS, BEARDOES, OR WOMEN, ONLY STRONG, HOT, MUSCULAR, DTF MEN.

[–] Sanguine@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 4 days ago (2 children)
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[–] meat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 37 points 4 days ago (4 children)

Right? Apparently hallucinating in a coma that Jesus's manly body is the only reality will get you on Fix News.

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[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 128 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Religion is a mental illness

[–] inari@piefed.zip 27 points 4 days ago (3 children)

I'd say it's a reaction to mental illness. An attempt by people to try to get a handle on something. If you look at religious people, they tend to all be a little off.

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[–] notabot@piefed.social 120 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Gabe Poirot was riding an electric skateboard at around 30 miles per hour without a helmet in October 2021 when he hit a small bump in the road and flipped backwards, landing directly on his head.

The impact cracked the then 20-year-old’s skull, causing a traumatic brain injury.

It's kind of tragic how badly a TBI can mess up someone's life, especially at such a young age.

[–] Marthirial@lemmy.world 70 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Riding an electric skateboard without a helmet is already a sign of imbecility; he just added hallucinations to his mental deficiency.

[–] Ariselas@piefed.ca 39 points 4 days ago

I read that quickly and just thought 30km/h is fairly fast on a skateboard, but 30mph is just stupid fast.

[–] BillyClark@piefed.social 54 points 4 days ago

Severe brain damage and religion. You can't name a more iconic duo.

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[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 13 points 3 days ago

Then he woke up on sticky sheets.

[–] CoconutLove@lemmy.today 67 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Fox News interviews brain damaged man suffering from delusions

[–] lobut@lemmy.ca 37 points 3 days ago (2 children)
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[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Man wakes up from coma, figures out how to make bank on it.

[–] fedikitty@piefed.social 25 points 3 days ago

Well somebody is suppressing their sexuality.

[–] mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de 56 points 4 days ago (4 children)

The bigger story is that Fox put this guy on air and acted like there was some legitimacy to it. The guy himself at least has an excuse for acting brain dead. What's the excuse for the viewers?

[–] deacon@lemmy.world 23 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Gabe added that ‘in America, Jesus has been misrepresented. And there are so many cultural things that present him as if he’s some tolerant guy.’

There is your answer right there. They know their credulous audience and they have their message to push.

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[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 23 points 4 days ago

What's the excuse for the viewers?

They have watched enough Fox to achieve a similar effect.

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[–] Cethin@lemmy.zip 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)

This is not meant to be criticism, but I think this guy has been repressing something for a long time...

[–] OrteilGenou@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago

His love for horses, Hispanic first names, and human biology?

[–] nanometer1625@thelemmy.club 12 points 3 days ago

He must be Dothraki. He met "the stallion who mounts the world".

[–] Lumisal@lemmy.world 40 points 3 days ago (8 children)

Huh, guess the Koreans are the ones with the correct depiction then. Go figure.

[–] OldChicoAle@lemmy.world 27 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The impact cracked the then 20-year-old’s skull, causing a traumatic brain injury.

Fox News is like, "brain damage?! Bring him on!!"

Seriously, how dumb are Americans? It astounds me daily for some reason. How convenient that "heaven" is just like that fantasy novel that you've internalized and convinced yourself is actual history? I'll file this with the people that have conversations with god

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[–] Evotech@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago

Why did he get a platform lol

[–] Rentlar@lemmy.ca 61 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Ah, if Jesus was born in the stable, makes sense he grew up as a horse. Or perhaps as a camel, trying to go through the eye of a needle.

[–] meat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Think he actually had visions of Jesus as a glistening stud, but didn't want to say that?

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[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 20 points 3 days ago

Sounds homoerotic, but OK.

Maybe "heaven" was spending 18 days with a Latin American lover called Jesus.

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 18 points 3 days ago

USA?

guy with mental illness having hallucinations is taken seriously

USA

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 27 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Good thing he took a picture...

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[–] finallymadeanaccount@lemmy.world 16 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Jules: You read the Bible, Brett?

Brett: Yes.

Jules: Well, there's this passage I got memorized, sorta fits the occasion. Ezekiel 23:20:

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 7 points 3 days ago

This was eye opening. I mean, it didn't hurt. It did go in my eye but that's how I read. I mean to say that everything went into my right eye, the donkey cock, the emissions. But not like that.

[–] RaoulDuke25@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Then jesus put his 2ft horse cock in his mouth so he could swallow the sins of man.

[–] Archangel1313@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 days ago

Is he talking about the horse...or the car?

[–] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 days ago

I like how Jesus or he really wants to fuck a mustang

[–] GenderNeutralBro@lemmy.sdf.org 22 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Gabe added that ‘in America, Jesus has been misrepresented. And there are so many cultural things that present him as if he’s some tolerant guy.’

🤦

[–] HAL_9_TRILLION@lemmy.world 17 points 4 days ago (1 children)

My dude, it's written down. There's an actual book. But this is America, so he very likely can't read.

Also note my surprised face that the entire account is vaguely homoerotic. Yet again, repressed sexuality seems to be at play here.

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[–] itisileclerk@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

Why this is published? Today the more nonsesnse you say, the more chance to go public. Like "God exist" or "I was in Heaven" or "Jesus died and resurected" or "God tell me stories and I write them".

[–] tigermountain@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Wait a minute, I spent 20 days in heaven and jesus was a short Chinese guy with glasses who was nervous around women. This guy is lying.

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[–] SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 18 points 3 days ago

Goddamn even The Onion can't do shit this stupid, and they're actively trying. Fox News is like a well funded version of those little magazines at the checkout line that talk about aliens and the anti-aging miracles of an uncooked eggyolk and beef tallow only diet.

[–] lemmyng@lemmy.world 23 points 4 days ago

Erm, what the yaoi fanfic?

[–] whiteblacula@lemmy.world 20 points 4 days ago

The impact cracked the then 20-year-old’s skull, causing a traumatic brain injury

Sounds about right

[–] PNW_Doug@lemmy.world 21 points 4 days ago

Hats off to the headline writer. I lol’d

[–] Kintarian@lemmy.world 11 points 3 days ago

When I went to heaven it was all hookers and blacjack

[–] myyass@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Great. Now the FBI is going to raid Heaven.

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