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The commit tree diverges :/

I try to think of it this way: if you wince a bit at the thought of past selves, it just means you've grown.

Could be worse, what if they remember you being awesome but you suck now?

yeah just ran into this texting an ex recently. we were together for almost 5 years, but i didnt learn i was neurodivergent or trans or kinda aro and very nonmonogamous until years after we broke up. ive been through years of therapy and self discovery at this point and shes still operating on memories of a maladjusted egg doing her best man impression (badly) and being kind of shitty about it.

i made an offhand comment that triggered some of the trauma i left her with, which made her type a long text reminding me of how i was shitty to her. it was kind of surreal because it was based on what i know now to be really shitty and toxic assumptions about my motivations and intentions, and the person who did those things to her is dead at this point.

i thought i would feel bad but i just kind of felt sad that shes still carrying that stuff around with her... not that ive put down all the baggage she left me with but still, it seemed almost fresh to her even after all these years.

I had a lot of security flaws and vulnerabilities that were patched over time. I can't understand why people are still running such old versions of me - it's grossly negligent.

I served a mission for the LDS Church and had some success -- my mission didn't have a lot of baptisms, but I managed a few. I left the religion about a year after I got back, and I'm not particularly proud of who I was when I was a member. I think a lot about the people who converted because of the things that I said to them, and whether they'd be better or happier people had I chosen not to go.

Jesus, it does now! I was an absolute douche when I was younger! Why would you say this to people!? starts hyperventilating

saw a friend from my highschool DND club who I haven't seen in a year in a half walk past while cashiering at work. I said hi and waved and she didn't even acknowledge me. Fair enough, I've changed a lot lol

Quite the opposite; I'm terrified of running into someone from my past who remembers the me with "potential" before everything in my life went to shit.

I feel shame for what I did. Sometimes overwhelming shame.

Persistence of self is an illusion. A person is a process rather than an entity.

P.S. Btw, this makes me doubt the feasibility of teleportation, because not just the molecules, but electrical and chemical activity at a particular moment would need to be recreated.

There's a guy I used to work with 20 years ago. We got on alright, but then something changed and he really took against me. I've no idea why, or what happened. I guess I said or did something that pissed him off, and he didn't feel like he wanted to tell me what. But it got to the point where he was kinda violent towards me, so I just kept my distance, then left the company (for reasons unrelated to this).

He later went on to work with some of the guys who work at my current place, who I get on really well with. Anyway, we were talking about people in the industry we've known over the years, as you do, and it comes up that they know him.

One of the guys bumped into him at a party a little while later, and mentioned that he was working with me now, to which he was told "Oh. Is DJDarren still a fucking prick?"

And I honestly have no idea what I did wrong.

I later discovered that I'm ADHD as fuck, so I guess it's something to do with that.

Well, old me was doing my best.

After I transitioned I lost dozens and dozens of friends because their expectation that I was just the same old guy but with tits just didn’t work for me and their expectations made it difficult to be myself. I found it easier to let him and them go and just start over. So I know he’s still there somewhere in their hearts (my ex-wife, too) but for me better that he’s buried and forgotten 🤷🏼‍♀️

omg lmao i think about this sometimes, most ppl from college haven't seen me after graduation, and i haven't seen any of them in ages, and now i am a pretty cheery queer dude, when i used to be a withdrawn and kind of emo/weird chick 💀

thankfully everyone i actively associate with is aware, but if i think about anyone i haven't kept in touch with... 💀💀💀

and don't even get me started on high school

I wasn't a smart person when I was younger but I'm not a smart person now.

Every single moment, ever person, everything led to exactly where I am now so, while I'm not proud of who I used to be, it was a necessary stepping stone to be where I am now.

Granted, I'm probably worse but, hey, we can't all be winners.

They were assholes too, generally speaking.

People are irritating like that. They simultaneously think people can’t change, yet expect them to, but don’t treat them accordingly if they have.

I owe some people some apologies. Sorry Dan. I was wrong. I was acting far too immature. That time of my life really brought out the worst of me. It's for the best we lost touch but I'm sorry for how I was.

I try to not think about it, I have bad takes nowadays but I absolutely loath and feel disgust with the person I used to be.

I do still try to have empathy for my old self. I don't think carrying that self hatred forward is helpful for the healing.

Every version of me kinda sucks tbh, that's part of being human. But it doesn't matter if other people can or can't forgive you for who you used to be, it only matters if you can.

If you're cringing at your past self that just means you're growing [:

This bugs me more than it should. At least they won't associate that with me now. I don't look at all like i did ten years ago. I've walked right passed people i partied with ten years ago and they had no idea.

It always fucks me up. In general being remembered does, I wish I could just erase all memories of me and influence I ever had out of existence. The fact that at some point I'll be completely 100% forgotten is soothing.

Yeah, and they were right. I was an asshole. I've worked hard to get better, but that doesn't erase the damage that I caused. Part of me would like to reach out to them, but part of me know that still won't make it right, even if I had a way to find them.

Honestly I was just doing my best but the people around me sure as hell weren't. They were much worse and now I'm better without them around

It fucks me up that nobody perceives us the way we see ourselves.

I try to keep in mind when I'm feeling annoyance or resentment for something that happened when I was younger, that it's also entirely possible I'm thinking about a different version of that person than what exists today. The same way I've grown it's entirely possible that unpleasant people I once knew have grown as well. It gives me an opportunity to let go of a few mild grudges I've held onto over the years.

However this is also the primary reason I don't have a Facebook. It can occasionally either torpedo this idea by showing me the person who I once knew to be a prick remains a prick, or someone who I once thought highly of has become awful.

I used to have chronic pain+fatigue for 17 years. Did not want to participate in anything, because it just meant more pain and less spoons, and the majority of people remember me that way.

I'm still working out how to live life normally, like I'm kind of doing my teenage years now, exploring my surroundings and trying out things.
So, I'm not yet a fully different person, but even just me voluntarily doing things, sports, etc. really does not compute for people who still know me from back then.

But then it's fun getting back in contact and being proud of who you are now. But yes I also cringe how I used to be, just a shell of a person that's not really alive. I'm grateful I'm not like that anymore.

Spoiler: no versions of you actually suck, you just feel that way because you feel the difference in past you and current yous growth. They are both awesome. They're both just in different stages of growth. Also, nobody thinks as harshly of you as you do yourself. So if they do meet you again and meet the new you, it's just all bonus

I don't give a fuck. There's a reason they don't know this version of me. I didn't care to maintain a relationship with them. My longest running friendship is >30 years, so those are choices.

Nah, fuck em. And fuck the old me too. Neither parties can offer me anything at this point. I'm moving on