this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2026
255 points (98.1% liked)

Not The Onion

22414 readers
721 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Prompted by an Iranian assassination threat, Donald Trump departed on a secret military flight in an extraordinary ruse that involved hiding the president in an airport catering cart, according to reporting from the Washington Post and the New York Times.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] joe@lemmy.world 51 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Meaning the staff and reporters on the other plane were being used as decoys without their knowledge or consent.

That's pretty fucked up.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] huppakee@lemmy.world 49 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

He wanted to open the straight of hummus.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago

The reflecting pool is still "the strait of warm ooze"

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 33 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

There's never going to an end to the documentaries made about this presidency, is there?

[–] inari@piefed.zip 28 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Can you imagine the kind of shit that will be made public 5 or 10 years after he leaves the presidency?

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 24 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

No matter how batshit insane whatever my imagination can conjure up is, I can guarantee it'll be a lot worse.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The United States finally has an answer to Stalin.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Stalin was both effective and relatively efficient. This dumbass is neither. More like whatever the knockoff of a Temu Stalin would be.

And to clarify, yes, I'm saying that even Temu is too high quality to be carrying anything Trump branded.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Efficient? I think Stalin probably could have managed with killing many fewer people.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

i miss not being surprised by much.

we'll probably find out he had a private mcdonalds installed at the white house that gets its "beef" from an unethical mortician.

so like that's about how extreme of the batshittery i'm expecting is.

edit: wait this explains Kennedy

[–] mPony@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago

honestly I'm imagining the shit that just never will.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] docandersonn@literature.cafe 16 points 3 weeks ago

The History Channel basically lived off of Hitler documentaries for 2 decades.

[–] DarkFuture@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

Honestly, with the way things are going in this nation, we're probably going to be too worried about a myriad of other things to give a shit about this rapist's documentaries.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] finallymadeanaccount@lemmy.world 25 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"Damn! Why does this food cart smell like shit?"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

It is since referred to by staff as the shit cart

[–] gedfromgont@piefed.ca 4 points 3 weeks ago

I heard they had to nuke it from orbit after he "used" it.

[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 3 weeks ago

Shit cart 1

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] adarza@lemmy.ca 25 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

what they let 'em out for?

[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

eating the product

Edit: there's a much better joke about giving it the Taylor farms treatment that I didn't think about quick enough

[–] muusemuuse@sh.itjust.works 21 points 3 weeks ago

Elaborate ruse Is a bit dramatic here. This has all the complexity of a bugs bunny sketch.

[–] moondoggie@lemmy.world 19 points 3 weeks ago

“Ummm yeah, right. We hid him in the catering cart. He totally didn’t get stuck in there when he thought he saw loose McDonald’s fries on the floor of the cart.”

[–] potatopotato@sh.itjust.works 17 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I've seen how some of this shit works. They're not magically smarter than you. People in these kinds of positions sometimes just do shit because they think it sounds cool and they're bored.

[–] AwesomeLowlander@quokk.au 9 points 3 weeks ago

They're not magically smarter than you

It's trump, I think we can take that as a given.

[–] Jubei_K_08@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I hope there's a VEEP/Arrested Development like show about this cartoonish presidency in a couple years. There's so much material.

[–] dreadbeef@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 weeks ago

Veep is severely underrated imo.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Jimbo@pawb.social 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"extraordinary ruse" is certainly a phrase for this

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Wouldn't someone have noticed the smell?

[–] ClownStatue@piefed.social 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Or the obnoxiously large “catering cart?” A normal one couldn’t possibly hide his giant ass.

[–] yogurt@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

They have a scissor lift box truck that the food comes in and then they lift it up to the plane and wheel the carts off. They got JFK's dead body on air force one the same way.

[–] fake_meows@sopuli.xyz 3 points 3 weeks ago

Now the whole plane smells like fake tan.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] SayJess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

What a coward! 😂😂😂😂

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] DarkFuture@lemmy.world 12 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Sorry. No way Fatty McRapist is getting into a catering cart. Maybe the back of a catering van. Assuming you bleach it before putting food back in it.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] D_C@sh.itjust.works 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It must've been a huge cart to fit that blubber filled tub of syphilis.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] i_stole_ur_taco@lemmy.ca 11 points 3 weeks ago

An amazing disguise. The smell didn’t give ANYTHING away.

[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Hahaha.

I hope he loves in fear. He did all of that. He ruined the fucking nuclear treaty, he invaded when that went to shit, and now he's losing a war.

What a fucking goddamn dumbass. I hope he never rests well again.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] aarch0x40@piefed.social 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Certainly he didn’t fit in just one cart

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago

Why the hell would they reveal this? Seems like a terrible idea. Secret Service never reveals details about things like that. Or at least, they shouldn't.

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Didn't he survive 2 assasination attempts before without worry, what's the difference with a mere threat?

[–] meathorse@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago

This threat was real and not a false flag?

[–] BeardededSquidward@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

This one would be done by someone semi-competent and explosives likely over an idiot reactionary with a gun.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] pirate2377@lemmy.zip 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Is it bad that even though I'm an American and not exactly a full on Iranian supporter...but wouldn't mind if they successfully assassinated Trump and Vance at all? It would at least be karma for starting this bullshit war in the first place

[–] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago

Nope. I'm with you. Almost feels treasonous to wish our president harm/death, but fuck him and his family.

[–] Coleslaw4145@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"Look, people are asking me about aircraft catering carts. And I tell them, nobody knows catering carts better than me, okay? Nobody!

​These carts, they are incredible. Absolutely top of the line.

People come up to me, big flight attendants, strong people, with tears in their eyes, they say, 'Sir, we put hundreds of sodas in there, the little cans, the snacks, everything, and it still moves so light. Nobody else could design a cart like this'."

  • Trump probably
[–] Bongles@lemmy.zip 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

What's.. funny I guess, is that he doesn't even really talk like that anymore, because he barely makes it through a sentence now

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 6 points 3 weeks ago

I wonder if he shat himself while they folded him up to fit him in there. I'm surprised he was flexible enough.

[–] mPony@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

So someone on his team recently watched the TV miniseries "Thief" (starring Andre Braugher, RIP) and figured they'd give it a try.

These fuckers have no imagination. First they rip off season 2 of Jack Ryan, and now this.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 6 points 3 weeks ago

Are they sure he was hiding in there? Maybe he just went in there to eat in private and just so happened to get wheeled on board the plane. I could see him stuffing himself inside one of those things just so we can nosh on some shrimp away from all the judgy eyes.

[–] Kintarian@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago

Would have been a shame if they forgot he was in there

[–] OrteilGenou@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago

He'll never fit in there, it's full of cheeseburgers...

load more comments
view more: next ›