Ask Lemmy

This: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War#/media/File:War_deaths_caused_by_warfare.svg

Thank you for your kind words ❤️‍🩹🫂

and yes I am a bro lol

well you could be right but I feel like my outlook on adulthood cant really be compared to any others right now since I dont have a ton of experience on what a healthy adulthood oughta look like. Im only 30. When Im 55 or 75 I think Il bee far more qualified to speak on what a healthy adulthood looks like.

Im not putting you on the spot of anything but do you have anythings to recommend that I can compare my outlook on adulthood to to others' to demonstrate the flaws I have on my outlook please? Its ok of you cant recommend anything other than me just talking to more adults. I know that I am heavily inexperienced because ya Im only 30 year olds and 30 year olds tend to not be the most experienced or have very good complex analysis of how a healthhy adulthood oughta look like.

Also yoyusaid that there is no standard. And yes I agree, I dont think there is a formal standard. BUT Personally I feel that there should be some sort of 'social-contract-based' or 'informal' standard as to whst a healthy adulthood oughta look like or look similar to. Like being a diehard nazi in your 60s or even your 40s or 20s is supposedly a good standard for adulthood for some....why? 🤨 I think most would disagree with that. The way I see it is that there are many things that the law allows an adult to do and get away with HOWEVER I do think that there should be certain things that are 'informally-enforced' by the social contract mosts adults have agreed on. Like being a fully grown adult who was caught in the Epstein Files or being an unafraid die hard nazi who has committed many hatr crimes should, in my opinion , cause an adult to be treated in 'certain ways ' by the followers of the social contract , until they begin the process to pay reparations to affected groups of their barbarism. Am I wrong?

I read that casey anthony gets bullied occasionally because of her crimes that we ALL know she actually committed(pfft girl stop lying . We have you !) and....I have no problem with I read about there and I dont see it as a problem until she confesses completely and takes full accountability for all she has done. Am I wrong about this? I would highly doubt that Im wrong about this.

I've seen both of these views. In my experience, the second often follows the first. After the person has tried to be an amazing person, often for years, and then their entire society refuses to let them.

Personally, I was the kind person who didn't want others experiencing what I did. My entire community beat the hell out of me. Over and over and over. People don't like you being kind.

They make up rumors about you having bad intentions, and that you're a bad seed. They judge you by every little mistake. They deny you opportunity after opportunity.

Honestly? I was raped at 10, locked in a clothing chest around 5, beaten non-stop because I liked to draw and write, slung around the house like a ragdoll, strapped to a chair with duct tape, called a pedophile at 15 -- because I hugged my little brother in school, told I was a school shooter. My own family kept their kids away from me. I talked grown ass adults through suicide. I was friends with kids who had none. Only for those kids to turn around and join in. Teachers did it too, to be popular with the kids. Even my own family. I've had food dumped on me. Drinks poured on me.

This was 24 hours per day. 7 days per week. All because I could be gay. Whenever I tried to fight back 4 or 5 of them would gang up on me. When I finally got friends, it was usually because a teacher bribed them. They'd wait until we were alone, act like I was the best person in the world. Whenever they'd see me in public, they'd yell out, "hey buddy." Then go back and start rumors on me. The 2 people who finally decided, and were allowed, to come over were forced to sleep outside.

It was always something stupid: my voice was too high. I didn't shave my legs. I did shave my legs. I had the wrong color shirt. I was too quiet. Etc.

Then I was preached on 3 times per week, about how I was going to Hell. But not directly. I'm not even gay.

I wasn't allowed to have friends over. I wasn't allowed to visit friends. They could be "bad influences." I wasn't allowed at school functions. I wasn't allowed to go outside. I wasn't allowed to modify my bedroom in any way. If I did, the modifications were thrown out. As a 12-year-old dude, my room looked like a 50-year-old granny's. We lived in the middle of nowhere, and they wouldn't show me how to drive. I loved wiring shit up and electronics. That was all thrown away, became it was untidy.

They had me taking care of my siblings (feeding, administering meds, getting ready for school bathing, etc), 2 bedridden grandparents, talking my normal parents out of suicide. I never developed essential social skills, and thought something was wrong with me. That I was broken in some way. How could so many well-integrated people be so wrong? I was afraid I was going to break others. And didn't want to talk to them, in case I did. So, I started looking for what broke me. I needed to make sense of it all and process.

After my grandmother passed, my mother told me I needed to walk to work every day, and ask one of the teenagers there to teach me how to drive.

At 33, I broke away. And I still do not have proper social skills at 37. I am completely isolated. I know it's not my fault. So, whose is it?

All I wanted were friends to go to concerts with, go fishing with, work on cars with, camping, hang-gliding, starting a band, doing random shit together.

I've seen a few therapists: the first one pumped me for information, then fed it to my parents who were the issues. The second told me my life was a lie and that my emotions weren't real, triggering 2 decades of PTSD. And the third was broken by the shit ton more stuff that I haven't included here, got stuck in a 2-hour-loop of, "it's not your fault," then didn't want to see me anymore. I think I broke her.

I begged God, for 30 years, to make it stop. God never showed.

I was reading at a college level in elementary school. I passed a mock NCLEX and ASVAB without even studying for either one. My religious mother, who thought the Internet was from Satan, wouldn't let me have it to work from home while caring for my grandmother. So I had to sneak into her room at night and use her hotspot for a $60/hr job. Then the Internet was cut off when I tried to go to college, mid-semester. I owe $2,000 in student loans. And now my head is so full of anxiety, I can't keep my ideas straight anymore.

If it isn't my fault, whose is it? I am 37 years old and, because of bad social skills, I have never had a community, despite not wanting to harm others my entire life, but all of my society wanted to harm me.

And then people tell you to just get over it. My heart is failing.

Thank you for saying this.

I think that theres another aspect to this flawed outlook on life that I want to point out . Like if someone feels cheated by others who got something they didnt get and they feel bitter about this and then they make efforts to harm and exclude those who got that thing, doesnt that make them get trapped in sort of a cycle where they continually isolate others who got that thing , even the people of that group who could genuinely help them?

Like if you get bullied by a bunch of White people simply cause youre not White and you decide to just completely ostracise all White people? THAT is a bad plan. Youre ostracizing an entire group of people , there are many different types of people in each groups of peoples. There are clearly many White people who knows that all non-White people are their equals and treat them as such. If you feel bitter towards all White people you will miss out on important life lessoms that some of them can teach you and even some important life lessons you can teach them. If you feel saddened cause your mom or dad or both said that they will never raise you or see you again when you were younger , being bitter towards people who had been raised by both parents is bad cause some of them have important life lessons about being raised by both parents that you may never have had heard otherwise.

You can even apply this lesson in other ways. Like all because some Muslims are hardcore Saudi-prince-loving wahhabists that doesnt mean you should ostracize them all. All because some French people support the current colonization of Kanaky that doesnt mean all French people do so ostracizjng all french people is nonsensical. You could apply this to any group. A few bad apples doesnt ruin the fresh bunch.

I used to have A LOOOT of internalized racism. I saw Black people as not worthy of listening to even though I myself am Black. I basically saw only White people as worthy of listening to about ANY topic. You should have seen my jaw hit the floor when I realized that there were Black people out there with doctorates who were equally as qualified and knowledgable of certain subjects as any equally qualified White person. I was even more shocked when I started watching videos of Nlack people who went through similar experiences as me and were talking in depth about it!

well youre not wrong . I am DEFINITELY not a paragon of empathy . And yes I do have my biases, but almost all humans have some biases right?

But as for my 'abuse of others' ?... Wot? I swear Id never. I never want to hurt innocent people and further 'enshittify' the world that is already shitty.

forget only the bodycams have you seen the true crime stories that come out on some of these idoots after they get arrested and charged?

Theres that one guy who drove his car through all those people during that parade before he got arrested . Apparently he had impregnated a 12 year old before that... Ah! darrell brooks was his name. He really thinks that his scizophrenia diagnosis will allow him to act like an incorrectly raised 12 year old in this forever and be forgiven EVERY time.... 😐

I remember seeing another bodycam of a man who was in his 40s who when he was getting arrested for taking inappropriate pictures of young girls at a Krampus event he said 'My mom's a lawyer! Im calling my mom' to the officers... 😐

....Like....dude....hello?!

EXACTLY!

Fuck capitalism and crapitalists!

Wow this is an interesting take and I have to say I agree.