Ask Lemmy

Guys who refuse to wash their arse because it’s “gay”.

The sheer amount of self-hatred, insecurity and homophobia caused by toxic masculinity and shitty upbringings is astounding that you’d rather have swamp ass than be worried you’re gay.

Refusing to use nail polish remover to clean off permanent marker because that's "for women". It's acetone, my dude, acetone.

Tell his wife that he loved her, because love is "gay" and "feminine"

Firstly, audibly expressing your heterosexuality isn't gay.
Secondly, there is nothing feminine about 2 guys loving each other, they are both guys so it's the most masculine sexual/romantic pairing.

I've been to Gay pride parades, gay bars and gay clubs. The gayest experience I've had in my life was working in the trades with straight men doing everything they can to prove their masculinity at all costs.

These men will use women as mere possessive objects in order to prove to their masculinity towards other men. By oversexualizing all women while at the same time belittling all that their partner does. As if women were merely currency for respect among men.

They hated gays and trans people so much that they would spend an extremely uncomfortable amount of time telling you how much they were "disgusted" by these people.

They hated on any man who who did not possess physical masculine traits. Those traits that they hated? Not being muscular. Not being tall. Not being fat (what???). Having longer hair.

But the gayest thing these guys refused to do was stand up for themselves against unjust authority. They would spend the most all their free time explicitly telling you how much they hate their boss. How stupid their boss is. How much of an asshole their boss is. How they would kick their bosses ass. Just talk an absolute big game.

Then the boss would come around the corner and you'd never see a bunch of grown ass men tuck their dicks between their legs faster than these guys. Their voices raise up a couple pitches and suddenly they are acting as subservient as how they believe their wives should be.

It's in this unspoken idea of respect for Men in Authority that you see the "gayest" trait in these toxic men. But not in a good gay way. A toxic gay trait that comes from a deep place built on oppression and repression of ones self. Where respect from your fellow man at all costs is the most valuable thing they crave. Where respect from your boss holds even higher value. Where respect from men in higher positions is held at even higher value.

All they care about is to be noticed by other men. That's kinda gay dude.

The cost of all this effort to gain respect from exclusively other men is their dignity. And they are more than willing to give up their dignity to be noticed by men in positions of authority.

To these guys, questioning or standing up to authority is gay. Standing up for yourself is gay. Demanding to be treated with dignity is gay. They will be the first ones to kick you down for disrespecting authority.

I've walked into a club bathroom and saw two guys giving another guy a blowjob. That's still not as gay as watching "straight" acting men grovel at the feet of boss in any trades.

Ick...

Had an absolute asshole of a Lieutenant over my platoon while deployed to Iraq. We get there and they're issuing out bed linens. We're all thrilled because we're getting actual beds and not cots. This motherfucker refuses the linens because "they have flowers on them", then proceeds to demand a cot for himself. He slept in the cot in his sleeping bag instead.

He was also Mormon, attempted to proselytize every second he got, and proudly declared his virginity (he was in his late 20s at the time) when NO ONE ASKED to hear about that shit.

Besides physical violence, the most absurd thing I've seen was a man who bought a car after his wife pleaded not to because it would bankrupt them. He didn't like that she was "telling him what to do." They had two perfectly fine vehicles btw.

I just had a concrete floor cut for plumbing, and neither of the guys wore a mask or respirator which is insanely unhealthy. I have a feeling it was "not manly".

Which makes that quite literal Toxic Masculinity.

The worst I have heard was when my husband's old boss was proudly bragging about how he didn't even leave work to be with his wife while she was giving birth to their first child.

He honestly believed that was something to be proud of.

We live in Australia too, so it's not like he had American orphan crushing machine to blame. He was just a horrible piece of shit.

When I was 18 and my buddy was 17, we went to the beach. He wouldn't let me put sunscreen on his back because that would make him gay. What if a woman saw?

He ended up with a severly blistered back, horrible, serious burns.

Me, I went up to the cute girls and just said excuse me hehehe.... I can't reach my own back.

He was also too chickenshit to do that.

The most obvious one I have experience with is guys refusing to wear a helmet while riding a motorcycle because they're so tuff and manly and they "just won't crash".

I wear a helmet because it will protect my beautiful face if I fall off, and because it keeps bugs and birds from hitting the aforementioned rugged bearded handsomeness at high speeds thus preventing some accidents, and because I can have one with a cool design on it.

For me it's between refusing to use an umbrella because "it's gay" or refusing to sit in the middle seat of a work truck because of the same reason as the first.

Once worked with a guy who refused to wash dishes, said that is a woman's responsibility. He only uses paper plates and plastic utensils.

I never asked him if he cooked but kind of figure it'd the be same answer LOL.

Basic hygiene.

cause being clean was for women and (insert homophobic slur here)

He only "cleans" himself like twice a year, and even then under protest and not fully, because the doctor told him he wont be let in the building if he came in dirty and smelling like BO and shit anymore.. and that cleaning is basically a 5 minute shower where he rubs a cloth under his arm pits.

Knew a dude in high school that claimed he didn't masturbate because touching a dick, even his own, was gay.

We used to ask him how he aimed when he pissed.

I think it's important to call most of these stories what they are. They're not toxic masculinity, they're homophobia, in the most literal sense of the word.

Edited for clarity

My friend moved early this year to a new apartment and we gave him a very easy to care plant and some decor

When we visited him again about a month later he told us he didn't put the decor because it's gay (as in gay to decor, not the specific stuff we gave him) and the plant was dead because he put it in a closet because he brought in a woman and she could think he was gay so he hid it 👍

Edit: fixed lots of mistakes lol, don't write a comment before drinking coffee

Walking around a rainbow cross walk . Also just not using a cross walk in general and taking more time trying to cross the road at a random location than just walking slightly down the road to cross the street even though that's the direction they where walking in the first place .

This one's specific one but I've seen guys permantly fuck up their feet by wearing cheap, thin-soled boots everyday or stand in jeans and a hoodie in -20° F for hours because buying good, quality clothes is seen as feminine.

Refusing to wear a sweater, jacket, hat, or gloves when it's bitterly cold out. They claimed that "real men endure the cold" and tried to say that wearing warm clothes to stay warm makes you "Womanly".

Nothing more manly than hypothermia and frostbite am I right guys? /s

Wear a covid mask. Sounds simple, but the issue was everywhere. You could say it was history's most destructive example of toxic masculinity, especially when the protests kicked off and people were (and still do) denying any damage had been occurring due to that.

I made a big deal when it happened because I for one hate dress codes, yet dress codes were and still are somehow fine and something you're not allowed to argue against, all the while something that was actually practical as well as small was like peoples' kryptonite, so I remain in a lowkey boycott over dress codes if the business was apathetic to antiviral measures.

One time I heard a guy say he wasn't gonna push a shopping cart cause it was "f***y". Never understood that. He looked like a real doofus pulling it by the front.

Wouldn't use a straw in their drink because he didn't like the idea of it passing through his lips.

Being too ashamed to tell people I couldn't swim as a kid in situations that seriously could have ended in me drowning.

Saw a group of 14 year-old boys refuse to admit that it's harder to hold a pool cue out from your body if you hold it at one end than if you hold it in the middle (simple demonstration of leverage).