this post was submitted on 06 Jul 2026
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[–] axont@hexbear.net 47 points 2 days ago (3 children)

My favorite part about this guy is it's perfectly believable he's simply a particularly fit 48 year old. Yeah dude you figured out a healthy diet and an exercise routine will make you feel and look better. But no that's not enough, you have to make your son into a blood bag and say you've developed immortality pills.

I hate all billionaires on principle but this guy is my least favorite type. It's not enough that he has every luxury planet Earth can possibly provide. He has to be worshipped as a god too. Just start a cult, man.

[–] LaughingLion@hexbear.net 16 points 1 day ago (1 children)

He reminds me of those daoist dudes in ancient China who were like, "I'm immortal" and then they die and their adherents are like, "Bro didn't lie he just transcended his physical form."

[–] Nacarbac@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago

Health secrets they don't want billionaires to know: drink more mercury.

All-natural cinnabar provides 10000000000% of the mercury you need to ascend to the Lunar Palace on the back of a moonbeam.

[–] jackmaoist@hexbear.net 16 points 1 day ago

My favorite thing about this guy is that he came to India, talked about the air quality and actually highlighted the issue particularly well while people were living in denial and then just fucked off.

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[–] HandsHeartEyes@hexbear.net 36 points 2 days ago (2 children)

His money would literally have been better spent doing general health research, which might have made progress towards a cure to his illness. But he blew it all on random bullshit targeted at himself. When he dies, it's going to be a real-life parable.

[–] average@hexbear.net 30 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Instead of investing in real medicine he's spent his time and money doing adrenochrome enemas or whatever the fuck...

[–] Carl@hexbear.net 15 points 1 day ago

pay for double blind studies of blood boiling or whatever the fuck

geordi-no

boil your own blood along with a hundred other totally vibes based things and call it research

geordi-yes

[–] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 47 points 2 days ago (1 children)

So things haven't been going well then.

[–] average@hexbear.net 24 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (4 children)

mild... permanent lung damage... mild... lost lung capacity... mild... MILD... MILD

screm3

[–] tocopherol@hexbear.net 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

"Your son was in a minor car accident, a small piece of metal did pierce his brain and he's now in a coma but the car accident was actually mild."

[–] average@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago

Mild coma, nothing to worry about.

[–] Formerlyfarman@hexbear.net 7 points 1 day ago (2 children)

even asimptomatic covid cases can cause severe damage to various organs.

[–] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Typically the brain, plus damage to the immune system! 🥳

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[–] keepcarrot@hexbear.net 3 points 1 day ago

If I was betting on it, I thought he was gonna go out via car crash

[–] cheers_queers@lemmy.zip 50 points 2 days ago (2 children)

is this the one who gets blood infusions from his son?

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 47 points 2 days ago (1 children)

He also keeps track of his son's boners

[–] EveningCicada@hexbear.net 31 points 2 days ago (2 children)

And posts about the health of his girlfriend's vagina

And dumped his ex while she was battling cancer. Which also left her without helath insurance while she was battling cancer.

[–] KuroXppi@hexbear.net 29 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'll have you know my wife's vagina graduated in the top 1% of the top 1% of all vaginas

[–] miz@hexbear.net 40 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

graduated magna cum dumpster

[–] nohaybanda@hexbear.net 22 points 2 days ago

Magna cum loudly could also work here

[–] KuroXppi@hexbear.net 17 points 2 days ago

Holy shit lmao

[–] duderium@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago
  • magna cum loud

kelly

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[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 37 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I don't like hearing about things like this because I hyper analyse whether my occasionally crippling IBS might actually be something horrible.

Anyway if this dude turns from immortality towards seeking a cure for something more tangible that seems like a good thing to me. Either he fails and it kills him or he succeeds and 5% of people's lives improve.

[–] KuroXppi@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

If he cures our ibs then I'll give him little a blood as a treat

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[–] SerialExperimentsGay@hexbear.net 26 points 2 days ago (2 children)

ofc the top comments include a grifter promising a cure through "emerging science" and one of his cultists hoping their hero somehow finds a cure for both AIG and Crohn's.

[–] Sphere@hexbear.net 17 points 2 days ago

We already figured out the cure for AIG: upwards of $100 billion in float provided by the US Treasury

[–] MattEagle@hexbear.net 12 points 1 day ago

CAR-T cell therapies are emerging for autoimmune diseases, which sometimes lead to permanent remissions. It won't be any of his stupid research that moves that field forward though 🤭

[–] TheBroodian@hexbear.net 43 points 2 days ago

Biohacker? More like Son-jacker

lmayo

[–] insurgentrat@hexbear.net 39 points 2 days ago

He's one of the more interesting ones to watch.

Pretty funny, probably a shit way to die but he'll buy his way out of a painful and undignified end I'm sure. At least these ghouls keep getting reminded they can't buy their way out of being made of meat.

Wish it was Thiel or Musk tho. I'd settle for Mohammed Al Saud too.

[–] XiaCobolt@hexbear.net 27 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Bryan Johnson has a tummy issues as well?Come on at this point just transition. He's already taking estrogen. This is stolen valour.

[–] TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net 32 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Women do live longer than men. If he was serious about prolonging his lifespan he would transition

[–] ksynwa@lemmygrad.ml 23 points 2 days ago (1 children)

He should try eating his son maybe that will fix it

[–] Dyno@hexbear.net 9 points 1 day ago

Whenever biohackers come up in the news, I'm reminded of Aaron Traywick - one of those life extension berks who injected himself with mystery fluids. I saw him on the news once and thought "he'll probably be dead soon."
Within a year he ended up K-holing to death in a sensory deprivation tank

[–] Monk3brain3@hexbear.net 30 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Fucking billionaires lmfao. Also,

Death - "the speedbump on road to immortality"

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[–] robotElder2@hexbear.net 28 points 2 days ago
[–] D61@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago

As sung by, Moonwalker, in their song "Monopoly Money", "... and you die like the rest of us..."

[–] CyborgMarx@hexbear.net 21 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Billionaires really do long for Warhammer 40K or Bioshock

Those are the kinds of worlds these vampires desperately want to live in

[–] EatPotatoes@hexbear.net 15 points 2 days ago

The only progressive theory Redditors have is bioshock.

[–] sovietknuckles@hexbear.net 16 points 2 days ago (2 children)

reddit-logo asking an important question on the billionaire's post about it

should i stop blueprint supplements then?

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[–] RondoRevolution@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago
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