Ask Lemmy

My girlfriend-at-the-time's dirty, dirty ass. Thought it would be like in my fantasies, where it tastes like candyfloss and smells like a Yankee candle. Nope. Shit. Just shit.

If you're curious, shit tastes exactly as it smells. I wish I didn’t know that. Although I'm happy that now you, too, know that.

And she had the nerve to dump me later. I deserve a Nobel peace prize for not recoiling in horror and instead just powering through in silence like a fucking GENTLEMAN.

On the bright side, it became a great way to ensure future partners were cognisant of the issue. I'd drop it into the usual "what was your ex like?" gossip sessions that come with new relationships. It's like saying "please wash your various holes if I'm gonna go rooting around in them like an ant-fiending aardvark" without actually saying it. A cautionary fable from days of yore to guide the next generation.

P.S. I'm still pro-anilingus. Just... clean the fuckin' thing first. I don't need to be picking dingleberries from between my teeth, thanks.

Actual shit. I was rimming my boyfriend and he had thought he cleaned enough, he was wrong. I immediately threw up washed my mouth out and brushed my teeth. Disgusting, in case I needed to say it.

A particular man's penis. I realized too late that he didn't routinely clean under his foreskin.

I didn't put it there but when I was in college sharing an apartment with my brother and his wife they got a dog and when they got it home the instant it got through the door it beelined for my lap and slipped it's tongue ALL the way along the roof of my mouth. Decades ago and I can still feel it.

I've had surströmming exactly once and intend to keep it that way.

Live ants.

This was 30 years ago. I lived on the second floor of an apartment. I left a half-eaten bag of Little Debbie chocolate donuts on the floor next to my bed. The next night, in a dark room, watching David Letterman, I remembered and reached for the bag. I was three donuts in before I noticed the slightly strange taste, and the ant crawling on my face.

Ants taste a bit sour and bitter.

Fresh ginger.

Cat treat. Ate it on a dare. It was fucking foul. 0/10.

Malort

Tastes like turpentine and grapefruit juice. The former I've actually tried accidentally... dipped my paint brush in my cup of water and took a swig of the other cup. Somehow, the malort was worse. Learned recently that they make a barrel aged version that they claim is

dare we say, sippable

We do not.

Ugh. Once when I was a kid I got the idea in my head to stick my face in between the couch cushoins and inhale hard. I still can kinda see the cursed salad I was spitting out for a while.

As a kid I took a swig off my Mom’s Coca Cola. She had been using the can as an ash tray. Puked for five mins and can recall that taste in a second as an adult.

This thread's got me curious about what my dick would taste like.

Maggots. I've been chasing the high ever since. They were hiding in a pineapple flavored Swiss roll. I thought the maggots were coconut flakes at first. Pina colada is a good flavor. The maggots popping like boba didn't set any alarm bells off. It was better than the usual coconut crunch. The maggots wriggling against my gums and tongue didn't set any alarm bells off. It was the only time I ever chewed something that felt carbonated. The lone maggot crawling across my couch away from certain doom finally clued me in. Half of his platoon just got eaten and the other half was without a doubt up next.

The same thing happened to my mom at some point when she was a kid. For her it was an Almond Joy or Mounds, which let the maggots blend in even better. Is it a once in a lifetime thing everybody experiences or a generational curse? I feel cursed with the knowledge that maggots in the right context taste like the fuckin' future.

Of things that were intended to be eaten, my friend in Amsterdam had some super salty black licorice. Don't want to yuck his yum, but that shit wasn't fit for human consumption.

An oyster

The town I grew up in is famous for them, we even learned about them in school but I'd never tried one

Finally decided to just before I moved away for university and eugh, salty mucus-y blob, had to spit it out again, poor lil guy

Gasoline. Had to siphon, did it wrong, mouthful of gas.

I sip Malört and enjoy its nuanced flavor notes. Durian tastes like paradise. Natto, however, broke me.

I've eaten ass

Accidentally half ate a catepillar once.

It crawled into the bag of snacking cheerios on a camping trip.

... still feed bad about accidentally killing that little guy.

I guess also maybe you could count earning my redwings, though it wasn't like I was ingesting it, and frankly, I didn't even find it disgusting at all, but it seems most people are disgusted by this.

I've done a good bit of martial arts, am quite used to the taste of my own blood in my mouth... hers was basically just a slightly different flavor of blood.

Stinky tofu. It's hard to describe the flavor. It's like dead anchovies in fish sauce but with the texture of a slice of omelette. It's like eating rotten fish snot. I involuntarily spit it out immediately after putting it in my mouth, almost like it fell out of my mouth. My hosts laughed and said I didn't have to eat it, but I tried again and was able to keep it in my mouth but was not physically able to swallow it, like my ability to swallow was rejecting it. I spit it into a paper napkin and everyone laughed. I just couldn't force myself to consume it.

A Zararan's Cajun chicken Alfredo freezer meal...that had been in the un-freezable, non-refrigerated cabinet two weeks.

My wife...gods bless her, was trying to feed me dinner...and found that in the cabinet... after having put it there during our last grocery stock up, not realizing it required freezing. In her defense, it was a grocery order and the item was not something we ordered, so she didn't know the particulars of it, and it wasn't cold upon arrival.

After microwaving, she brings me the plate and a fork and I notice the smell is...unique, but me being hungry and not overly picky though "meh...Cajun seasoning...I guess" so i stir the sauce into the noodles and then lick the fork, as one does, preparing to consume.

The weirdest part, is it was fucking sour. Not sour like spoiled, sour like a million warheads sour. I stopped... looked at the stuff, looked at my wife and shuddered. "This is weird...why is it sour?" I said...still not dawning on me that my wife would attempt to poison me so obviously. She disappears and I sit there, with the offending offering on the table in front of me. "Am I brave enough to eat this? I don't like wasting food..." goes through my head at about the same time as my wife, pale faced and trembling, rushes in and grabs it hollering "don't eat that! It was supposed to be frozen!"

When I was around 3 or 4 y/o, a neighbour kid managed to convince me to take a bite of a dried dog shit.

I don't remember what he'd said that convinced me, I just remember the laughter when I actually did it... I wasn't the brightest kid, but very curious and gullible.

One time when I was a kid, my friend and I decided to take random stuff from the pantry and just mix it all together into one drink. That was genuinely heinous.

Well, there was natō, which is just slimy fermented soybeans. Had a taste like rotten sick and a texture like milky mucus covering half-mushed beans.

Not a fan of sea urchin either.

Also eaten a few expired food items that made me very wary of repeats, and usually put me off the food in question for at least a year. Rotten fruit cup that tasted like acetone, slimy off ham, chunky lemon milk.

Last, I once tried to cook a ham hock in beans. Recipe came out tasting like what I imagine stewed human flesh would taste like. Just wrong. Couldnt say exactly why, but nothing about the smell or taste told me it was edible. It was the most visceral "you're-eating-a-dead-thing" feeling i've ever gotten.