this post was submitted on 12 Apr 2026

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217

Uganda Special Ops Commander asks Turkey for $1 billion and a wife (www.sozcu.com.tr)

submitted 2 months ago by CaptainBasculin@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

39 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Muhoozi Kainerugaba, son of the President of Uganda and Commander of the Special Operations, said that they would cut off all diplomatic relations within 30 days if their problems were not resolved, by attempting to threaten Turkey.

Expressing his support for Israel, Kainerugaba stated that the Ugandan army was ready for an operation. He described Israel as "Holy Land" and expressed their ability to provide military support.

Kainerugaba expressed that he demands at least $1 billion from Turkey for a possible settlement, and also said that he wants the most beautiful woman in Turkey as a wife.

all 43 comments

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[–] Avicenna@programming.dev 30 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

lol this guy gets it. After all the crazy shit Trump has done, nothing is off limits in diplomacy anymore. "Give me a wife, ten camels and a pepperoni pizza or I will invade your country in the name of Israel"

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 26 points 2 months ago (5 children)

Dear Turkey, I would also like a billion dollars and a wife? Please tell me it wasn't as simple as that all this time?

[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Just include proof of your status as a warlord of an area commanding billions in natural resources, along with two forms of ID.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago (2 children)

My yard does have a surprising number of trees.

[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If they're mature and you can find someone to illegally cut them down, /r/treelaw has taught me that you might actually have millions in damages :)

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Did I mention I THINK there's crude oil and gold underneath the trees?

[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Ah well, no lawyer will touch that, then. Prepare to be invaded. 😰

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Eh, I'll take what I can get these days.

[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I have big leaf aspen, quaking aspen, white aspen, maple, oak. Not in that order. Then witch hazel and black cherry, not the good kind, in the understory. Which are very small trees, a few pines, a couple of strong stands of all Pines, white pines, a little spruce but all the Pines in the deciduous forests are sickly and they die for no apparent reason. Also a couple of one off Burch and Beach, The Birches sickly, the beach is strong but not much of it.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

That sounds beautiful. I just moved in a few months ago and have no idea what I have, but I know part of the lot is forest overgrown with kudzu. I daren't venture in.

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)

No problem, I have GIMP installed.

[–] incompetent@programming.dev 2 points 2 months ago

I use Arch btw.

[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 months ago

The only GIMP I am familiar with is the people I accuse of being Generally Important Maga Players?

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

turkiye mention 🇹🇷 🇹🇷🦃 🇹🇷

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

No need for a wife, just the billion dollars will do. Or I will support Israel by upvoting posts.

[–] birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 months ago

I've standards, no thanks. If I had to choose between a billion for praising the anti-labour Israel, or nothing at all, then I'd rather the latter.

[–] tiredofsametab@fedia.io 2 points 2 months ago

I'm cheaper! I'll do it for having my student loans paid off, my house paid off, and some spending money; I don't even need the wife!

[–] Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org 1 points 2 months ago

I can help you with being a wife. Having one and also 1 cool bil has to be taken care off by someone else tho.

[–] qualia@lemmy.world 24 points 2 months ago (4 children)

We can do that? Then I demand from the United States $1B and I'll be taking your smartest genius for a spouse. I'll be taking it from their war chest and somehow redistributing it to the people directly. That way if they genuinely want this war they can have it, and I won't have disenfranchised anyone. Meanwhile me and my incredible wife will work on other major life goals.

[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 12 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Then I demand from the United States $1B

Sounds like a standard Trump lawsuit-threat SLAPP letter. Always demand $1B.

Me, I'd even settle for the second most beautiful woman in Turkey.

[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 7 points 2 months ago

me I'd be happy with a million and an agreeable donkey

[–] athairmor@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

Careful. Trump probably thinks he is the smartest genius.

[–] ignotum@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

i'll be taking your smartest genius for a spouse

All of US' smartest geniouses have long since migrated to better countries i'm afraid

[–] webkitten@piefed.social 24 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Uganda is never going to beat the child trafficking allegations.

[–] Railcar8095@lemmy.world 25 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Why? Just because they are openly using human trafficking as payment method for international relationships?

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

if the president of statesia has a mail order wife why can't uganda have one?

[–] bookmeat@fedinsfw.app 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I see we have entered the diplomacy by social media phase of humanity.

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 5 points 2 months ago

It's been like that for 5 years or more

[–] felixwhynot@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Based

[–] DandomRude@piefed.social 21 points 2 months ago

The Art of the Deal

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

On what planet is this based?

[–] felixwhynot@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Uranus! Gottem! Sorry y’all I’m just talking shit here

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Have fun dying for Israel

[–] Damage@feddit.it 4 points 2 months ago

Eh it's going to take longer than that to find the most beautiful woman in Turkey, there's so many!

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 months ago

Crazy people doing crazy things

[–] Vinylraupe@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 months ago

With or without moustache?🤣🤣