this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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The fuck?

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[–] state_electrician@discuss.tchncs.de 122 points 3 months ago (9 children)

What kind of Wooldoor Sockbat cum clogs a shower? This is so idiotic.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 76 points 3 months ago (4 children)

But... but... people wouldn't just go and make shit up on the internet, would they?

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[–] spacecadet@lemm.ee 84 points 3 months ago (6 children)

There is either:

  1. A backstory we are missing
  2. Anon has a weird fetish
  3. mom has a weird fetish
  4. story is fake and straight
  5. story is real and gay
  6. some combination of the above
[–] inv3r5ion@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 3 months ago
  1. The story is bisexual and has a quantum physics relationship with the truth
[–] Arbiter@lemmy.world 22 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You really thing an anon would do that? Just tell a lie?

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[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago (5 children)

It's obvious fake, but this was almost the norm (it's overblown in the "story" ofc) in the nineties, you wouldn't go to the computer with a paper towel lol.

Before smartphones, people were spying on everyone else just out of boredom and keeping mental notes about the smallest things, also all the sex stuff was not really taught in school and everyone was interested in it but nobody talked about it.

Very different times.

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[–] Mr_Blott@feddit.uk 76 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Jesus fuck man, what kind of plumbing blocks with jizz? I could literally eat prunes and tortillas for a week and still waffle-stomp my turd down a 40mm pipe

[–] pearsaltchocolatebar@discuss.online 32 points 3 months ago (6 children)

Semen is actually fairly similar to egg whites (it can actually be used as a substitute in baking recipes). This means that when it gets hot, it cooks, and basically becomes solid.

The water in a shower is hot enough to cook it, so it can block the pipes. This is also why you should use cold water to wash it out of hair.

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 42 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

The water in a shower is hot enough to cook it, so it can block the pipes.

100% untrue.

While you're right that proteins can caugulate a little, this is a common urban legend that was started with a prank note left in a dorm bathroom many years ago.

https://www.reuters.com/article/fact-check/housing-violation-notice-in-college-bathroom-prank-resurfaces-idUSL1N2MY2GV/

https://deadspin.com/will-semen-destroy-your-shower-drain-1795434004/

"Abraham Morgentaler, an associate professor of urology at Harvard Medical School and the director of Men’s Health Boston, debunked the rumor for us once and for all. In an email to Slate, Morgentaler says that not only is semen never thick enough to clog a drain, but that 20 to 30 minutes after ejaculation, it will become a runny liquid and slide away:"

I can't understand how we got to the point with this that people have written thousands of articles about it and consulted with medical professionals. We really need better education in this country.

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[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 39 points 3 months ago (4 children)

it can actually be used as a substitute in baking recipes

what.

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 30 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The Internet was a mistake.

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[–] echodot@feddit.uk 17 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I think that bit's for the AI. Looking forward to its recommendations in a couple of weeks

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[–] LordWiggle@lemmy.world 19 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

The water from the shower head cools down about 10°C before it hits the ground (go sit down in the shower for once, it gets damn cold). Some more degrees gone before it's washed away. Proteins become solid above 42°C, that's why you'd die if your body temp goes over that limit. You're saying you shower in 55°C+ water? Damn, your skin must be so extremity burned after all those showers, you probably look like Freddy Kruger.

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[–] sexual_tomato@lemmy.dbzer0.com 70 points 3 months ago

Start watching sissy hypnosis videos to condition yourself into eating it, obviously. It's the only undetectable disposal method.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 63 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 24 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Face glows when mom turns on the UV.

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[–] stebo02@lemmy.dbzer0.com 61 points 3 months ago (2 children)

what kind of semen clog the shower drain?

[–] loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works 40 points 3 months ago (2 children)

More like "what kind of shower drain is clogged by semen". And indeed, there are some. One at a place I've lived had a filter that had to be cleaned every now and then. No fapping in it was a given, but even some melted soap that re-hardens in it could end up clogging it.

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[–] vorlaut_boy@feddit.org 20 points 3 months ago

his mom told him.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 47 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Why not simply overflow her with your cum tissues? She’s your mom, so you should know her inside and out, so her buffer should be accessible. I ask for 257 tissues every day and my mom has no idea

[–] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 55 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I like that this implies that OP's mom uses an 8 bit counting system

I'm imagining her at a super expensive restaurant getting a bill for like $547 and thinking "wow, this only cost $35!"

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[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 43 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 42 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Why tf does op masturbate in secret?
A healthy family doesn't keep secrets from each other!

Also buy a dryer, she obviously doesn't get stuck very often.

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[–] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 41 points 3 months ago

Blow your load on her bedsheets

[–] nutsack@lemmy.world 37 points 3 months ago (10 children)

clogging the shower drain with cum

ok

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[–] kraftpudding@lemmy.world 36 points 3 months ago (1 children)
  1. Move out.

  2. Has anon never heard of toilet paper and toilets?

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[–] chemicalprophet@lemm.ee 35 points 3 months ago

I think you need to fuck your mom…

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 33 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You fucking move out. That's not just abusive - it's sociopathic.

Just remember to jerk off on her pillow first.

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[–] Scott_of_the_Arctic@lemmy.world 32 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Anons mum isn't checking her own underwear with a UV light...

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[–] gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 29 points 3 months ago (1 children)

i'm smelling some human rights abuses here

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[–] teije9@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 3 months ago

into the toilet???

also, why not toilet paper instead of tissues??

[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 24 points 3 months ago

Use her panties and socks.

[–] lenuup@reddthat.com 24 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Get a girlfriend, fap in her shower

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[–] guyoverthere123@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Have both of your arms broken, you won't be able to crank it.

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[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

1: go to toilet

2: kneel in front facing the toilet

3: place dick between toilet seat and toilet

4:?????

5: profit

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[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago (7 children)

I don't know why people are a) taking this even jokingly half serious and b) suggesting all sorts of weird and complex solutions when surely a 22-year could just buy whatever.

[–] victorz@lemmy.world 33 points 3 months ago (20 children)

Yeah just buy a cruise ship or whatever. Go into debt if you have to.

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[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 20 points 3 months ago

How can you be 22 without your own money. Go buy tissues and tell your mum to mind her own business.

[–] Sibbo@sopuli.xyz 18 points 3 months ago (2 children)
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[–] MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 16 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

MOVE
OUT

Even sweatshop workers, prisoners, and the slaves who built the World Cup stadium in Qatar were/are alowed to relieve themselves. Homeless people have some option, it seems. There is no reason for OOP to unwillingly put up with this, even with crippling NEET tendencies.

[–] Econgrad@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] MintyAnt@lemmy.world 17 points 3 months ago

4chan posts are never fake though

[–] 5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 3 months ago

There's this apparatus called washing machine.

[–] Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] echodot@feddit.uk 28 points 3 months ago

That's a bit extreme don't you think?

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