this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2025
372 points (91.7% liked)

Greentext

7325 readers
592 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

The fuck?

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] state_electrician@discuss.tchncs.de 122 points 10 months ago (9 children)

What kind of Wooldoor Sockbat cum clogs a shower? This is so idiotic.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 76 points 10 months ago (4 children)

But... but... people wouldn't just go and make shit up on the internet, would they?

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (8 replies)
[–] spacecadet@lemm.ee 84 points 10 months ago (11 children)

There is either:

  1. A backstory we are missing
  2. Anon has a weird fetish
  3. mom has a weird fetish
  4. story is fake and straight
  5. story is real and gay
  6. some combination of the above
[–] inv3r5ion@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 10 months ago
  1. The story is bisexual and has a quantum physics relationship with the truth
[–] Arbiter@lemmy.world 22 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You really thing an anon would do that? Just tell a lie?

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (9 replies)
[–] Mr_Blott@feddit.uk 76 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Jesus fuck man, what kind of plumbing blocks with jizz? I could literally eat prunes and tortillas for a week and still waffle-stomp my turd down a 40mm pipe

[–] pearsaltchocolatebar@discuss.online 32 points 10 months ago (6 children)

Semen is actually fairly similar to egg whites (it can actually be used as a substitute in baking recipes). This means that when it gets hot, it cooks, and basically becomes solid.

The water in a shower is hot enough to cook it, so it can block the pipes. This is also why you should use cold water to wash it out of hair.

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 42 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

The water in a shower is hot enough to cook it, so it can block the pipes.

100% untrue.

While you're right that proteins can caugulate a little, this is a common urban legend that was started with a prank note left in a dorm bathroom many years ago.

https://www.reuters.com/article/fact-check/housing-violation-notice-in-college-bathroom-prank-resurfaces-idUSL1N2MY2GV/

https://deadspin.com/will-semen-destroy-your-shower-drain-1795434004/

"Abraham Morgentaler, an associate professor of urology at Harvard Medical School and the director of Men’s Health Boston, debunked the rumor for us once and for all. In an email to Slate, Morgentaler says that not only is semen never thick enough to clog a drain, but that 20 to 30 minutes after ejaculation, it will become a runny liquid and slide away:"

I can't understand how we got to the point with this that people have written thousands of articles about it and consulted with medical professionals. We really need better education in this country.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 39 points 10 months ago (4 children)

it can actually be used as a substitute in baking recipes

what.

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 30 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The Internet was a mistake.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] echodot@feddit.uk 17 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I think that bit's for the AI. Looking forward to its recommendations in a couple of weeks

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] LordWiggle@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

The water from the shower head cools down about 10°C before it hits the ground (go sit down in the shower for once, it gets damn cold). Some more degrees gone before it's washed away. Proteins become solid above 42°C, that's why you'd die if your body temp goes over that limit. You're saying you shower in 55°C+ water? Damn, your skin must be so extremity burned after all those showers, you probably look like Freddy Kruger.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] sexual_tomato@lemmy.dbzer0.com 70 points 10 months ago

Start watching sissy hypnosis videos to condition yourself into eating it, obviously. It's the only undetectable disposal method.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 63 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 24 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Face glows when mom turns on the UV.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 47 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Why not simply overflow her with your cum tissues? She’s your mom, so you should know her inside and out, so her buffer should be accessible. I ask for 257 tissues every day and my mom has no idea

[–] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 55 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I like that this implies that OP's mom uses an 8 bit counting system

I'm imagining her at a super expensive restaurant getting a bill for like $547 and thinking "wow, this only cost $35!"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 43 points 10 months ago (2 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 42 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Why tf does op masturbate in secret?
A healthy family doesn't keep secrets from each other!

Also buy a dryer, she obviously doesn't get stuck very often.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 41 points 10 months ago

Blow your load on her bedsheets

[–] nutsack@lemmy.world 37 points 10 months ago (10 children)

clogging the shower drain with cum

ok

load more comments (10 replies)
[–] kraftpudding@lemmy.world 36 points 10 months ago (1 children)
  1. Move out.

  2. Has anon never heard of toilet paper and toilets?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] chemicalprophet@lemm.ee 35 points 10 months ago

I think you need to fuck your mom…

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 33 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You fucking move out. That's not just abusive - it's sociopathic.

Just remember to jerk off on her pillow first.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Scott_of_the_Arctic@lemmy.world 32 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Anons mum isn't checking her own underwear with a UV light...

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 29 points 10 months ago (1 children)

i'm smelling some human rights abuses here

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 24 points 10 months ago

Use her panties and socks.

[–] lenuup@reddthat.com 24 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Get a girlfriend, fap in her shower

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago (7 children)

I don't know why people are a) taking this even jokingly half serious and b) suggesting all sorts of weird and complex solutions when surely a 22-year could just buy whatever.

[–] victorz@lemmy.world 33 points 10 months ago (20 children)

Yeah just buy a cruise ship or whatever. Go into debt if you have to.

load more comments (20 replies)
load more comments (6 replies)
[–] guyoverthere123@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Have both of your arms broken, you won't be able to crank it.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (4 children)

1: go to toilet

2: kneel in front facing the toilet

3: place dick between toilet seat and toilet

4:?????

5: profit

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 20 points 10 months ago

How can you be 22 without your own money. Go buy tissues and tell your mum to mind her own business.

[–] Sibbo@sopuli.xyz 18 points 10 months ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 16 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

MOVE
OUT

Even sweatshop workers, prisoners, and the slaves who built the World Cup stadium in Qatar were/are alowed to relieve themselves. Homeless people have some option, it seems. There is no reason for OOP to unwillingly put up with this, even with crippling NEET tendencies.

[–] Econgrad@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] MintyAnt@lemmy.world 17 points 10 months ago

4chan posts are never fake though

[–] 5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 10 months ago

There's this apparatus called washing machine.

[–] Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] echodot@feddit.uk 28 points 10 months ago

That's a bit extreme don't you think?

[–] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 13 points 10 months ago

Is she checking her own socks and underwear?

load more comments
view more: next ›