OP you appear to be committed to (not) dying on this hill and I applaud you
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I like it RAW and wriggling!
What's sneezing precious
Ain't nothin' in the RAW that states a sentient pile of dust can't play basketball.
All new straight-to-DVD film, "Air coughing fit"
Dustbud ®
A disintegrated creature and everything it is wearing and carrying, except magic items, are reduced to a pile of fine gray dust. The creature can be restored to life only by means of a true resurrection or a wish spell.
Why would you need to be "restored to life" if you weren't dead?
Because you could later die. So a creature that has been disintegrated, and then later dies, can only be brought back by those means.
If this was the intent of the rules, it would be expressed in explicit, unambiguous language. They don't write contingency rules for possible future events that haven't happened this way, and if you interpret rules documents this way, then everything becomes an argument.
The implication of "the creature can only be restored to life by (x)..." is present tense. It applies to the current state of the game following the events described. The language "unattended objects catch fire" in fireball doesn't mean "unattended objects in the area of a fireball will catch fire if someone sets fire to them." it means they catch fire.
Language in rules doesn't ambiguously cater to a potential future state of the game that may not occur. It is describing the current state of the game, like the rules do in all other situations.
You're misreading the language. It is present-tense, not future.
I'm not misreading anything. "The creature can only..." applies a new state to the creature. After that state has been applied, or somehow reversed (unaware of any way to do this by RAW), then the creature can only be brought back to life by the means mentioned in the spell.
My sister played a campaign as a sentient ham sandwich. She would love this.
Edit:
Lmao 🤣
Haha awesome, glad she enjoyed it!
I see no flaw in this argument. Instead of dying, the character exists like the guy from “One” by Metallica, desperately waiting for a stiff breeze to end his existence.
Dust pan, imprisoning me, all I can be, a pile of fine dust
I cannot live, I cannot die, turned into dust, scattered across the floor
The spell specifies you turn into gray dust. Unfortunately gray dust has no listed stat block.
Luckily it is mentioned in "Tales from the Yawning Portal", "The floor of this room is covered with a layer of fine gray dust and ash, three inches deep."
Based on the rest of the description you are restricted to the room in which you turned to dust and the only action you may take is casting " Minor Illusion", with the added restriction of all illusions must be humanoid.
Nothing about the Disintegration spell says that your stats change. Compare to spells that do, such as Polymorph, or True Polymorph which even covers changing a creature into an object.
I'm not changing your stats, you still have a 14 wisdom.
You are however definitely turned into gray dust and I'm applying the rules as written about gray dust. The gray dust is restricted to the current room and can only form the shapes of various humanoids.
That's probably the path I'd take as a DM if I had a player insisting on rules lawyering like OP. OK, you get to "play" as a pile of dust. Have fun sitting there until random wind currents blow you around.
Crappy party mates you have if they won't even scoop you up into a bag and carry you around.
buddy let's start a campaign together you can be the pocket sand and i will be dale gribble
You're not dead when you're petrified, either, which can lead to some pretty interesting exploits, rules-as-written.
Petrified creatures count as creatures, not objects, so rules-as-written you can determine if a statue is a petrified creature by trying to target it with a spell that requires a creature for a target.
With the cantrip Poison Spray, you can check for petrified creatures without using spell slots or risking damaging the creature, since it would be immune to poison while petrified.
Get the feeling it would be difficult to have a dust based strength character though. Hard to hold weapons/make attacks with them as dust.
Maybe wizard?
I mean, from your characters perspective, death is preferable to being transmuted to dust, especially in a setting with a well established afterlife.
Hey, you don't know my character. He's making the best of his fine dusty life.
You can be literally obliterated by a sneeze. And you're so dusty, folks would need to make a Con check for allergies.
*"Jesse, what the fuck are you talking about?"
Jesus, get the quote right.
That's not even in the scene.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX-m7UsCp3I
Here's what Walter actually says:
How are you doing?
...mumbling...
How are you doing?
You did the only thing that you could, I hope you understand that.
Any thoughts on what our next move might be?
Our next move. Our next move. Given the fact that at the first opportunity, Gus will kill us.
No, no, we bought ourselves some time, yes, but... The question is how much. He will be looking for another chemist.
Are you sure you're...
What do you mean?
What page is that?