Our player who likes doing this to the DM: "So they're giving us horses? What are the horses' names?" Our DM: "....no. You choose."
"They aren't attached enough to the horses to have chosen names for them, they are referred to by their coat colour."
"What colours are they?"
"...fuck."
"Dasher, Dancer, Prancer...."
"His name is Meatball"
"Horsey McHorseFace."
"You no longer have the right to choose."
This is how I accidentally named one guy "ThisGuy" and the other, "Thatguy."
On the plus side, Jim Bob the bridge builder is a long term friend I keep looking up when we visit town.
Jim Bob the bridge builder
Beats being named Jim Bob the goat fucker
...i cast speak with animals and asked the horses their names: turns out they were darryl and his brother darrell...
Any npc I make up on the fly is 100% an orc. I can just put bodily-fluid+weapon together and boom, named.
Oh, him? Yeah, that's the Orc bartender PissMace.
Precumrapier
Woah, woah, keep that thing in its sheath.
Due to circumcision beyond our control, it doesn't have a sheath
Believable. I once passed by a book titled "Common Circumcision Rituals of Orc Clans in the Great Southern Wastes" written by Dr. SpinalfluidHammer, MD. The cover was of the author holding a too-large knife covered in too much blood. He seemed happier than the situation called for.
Sweatdart
SnotDart
You can't miss.
It Snot hard to hit target.
I did this one campaign which was a hexcrawl where the party was shipwrecked on an island purported to hide the lost city of gold.
The site of the shipwreck was home base, but the party obviously wanted to explore. There were some NPC crewmate survivors, so they would assign them to work on projects while they were exploring. I would always tell them that "some guy" was working on their stuff.
Cut to a few months later when they have a sort of mutiny on their hands. It seems that one crew member in particular was fed up with how much work they had to do while the party went adventuring that they turned the crew against the party.
The mutinous ringleader's name? Sum Gai
Terror Island writing tip: Specify that characters have names. This makes them more relatable. (That's the title text for that comic.)
I'm imagining something like:
Player: I ask the NPC for his name.
GM: He tells you his name.
"How do you spell that?"
"I dunno, how do you wanna spell it?"
I just use the MST3K approach: This is Blast Hardcheese.
I need to start doing this to my DM
Humor, jokes, memes about TTRPGs
