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this post was submitted on 14 Mar 2024
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The Gender Dysphoria Bible: useful info on various aspects of gender dysphoria: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en
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[GERMANY] Deutsche Gesellschaft für Transidentität und Intersexualität: They have contact information for their advice centers and some general information for trans and intersex people. They also do activism: dgti.org
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I think our two views on our emotional states changing is really interesting. I love that you're able to find comfort and peace in feeling more emotionally stable on T. To the point it has helped more than anti-depressants for you! I hope you view that as affirming :)
Before starting HRT, T made my emotions feel more disconnected from me. Like I couldn't quite fully "feel" them and that was distressing. Now with E, I can much more easily connect with my emotions and it has helped me feel more alive.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I find it beautiful and wholesome that something that was dysphoric for me is actually something that seems affirming for you! ❤️
Estrogen and all those hormones really fucked with my head. I have PMDD (Premenstrual dysphoric disorder). The week before menstruation, I would get heavily depressed and suicidal every month, just like clockwork. PMS rage is also horrible to deal with. I used to get super angry and break down over something small like breaking a glass or tearing a garbage bag when it was that time of the month. Made me feel so ashamed and angry at myself because I knew it was hormonal and I had no control over it. Now don't have that issue.
I didn't feel connected with my emotions, just wildly out of control of them. I didn't notice "hey, i'm feeling anxious and angry today. Better chill out and take a warm shower." It was just "AGAHAGGQHHG IM IN PAIN" Now when I feel sad or anxious or whatever I can recognize what I'm feeling because it's not a huge tidal wave of intense, uncontrollable emotions anymore.
I'm a strong believer in the biochemical dysphoria theory. Some brains are just wired for a certain sex hormone profile. It's really interesting how both of us had similar results from each hormone, but they affected mental and emotional health in opposite ways.
The biochemical dysphoria descriptions where by far my biggest incentive in pursuing HRT. Especially the dissociative and depersonalization aspect of it. It described my entire life after puberty To. The. Letter.
And 5 months in I feel this fog lifting over my eyes and the world makes more sense to me now. I actually am having moments where my sense of self and body are at least occupying the same space. It's been a really surreal experience.
Glad to hear that you no longer feeling the effects of PMDD or the PMS rage. That honestly sounds terrible and glad you were able to find a way out of it!:)