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Shopping list software
(lemm.ee)
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Assuming you mean a general note-taking app rather than something specific to shopping lists, perhaps this would fit the bill?
https://logseq.com/
I haven't tried it yet myself, but I've been looking to move away from Notion and this looks interesting. It's billed as open source but I came across this on their alternativeto.net page: "Notice: the backend code will be open-sourced as soon as we’re sure that the backend service meets the security standards."
I'm not sure if that's still relevant or not, but am posting it FYI.
Joplin is open source, has todo lists and syncs with any plain webDAV server, or stuff that provides webDAV, like NextCloud.
Thanks Joplin came up on my radar a while back but I had never considered it for this task. With a webdav sync option built in, it might better handle the concurrent granular node/block changes that I hope for, than the file-at-once style of sync that syncthing currently gives me.
It's worth noting that there are two ways to use Joplin for to-dos: you can embed a complete list within a note, or make a bunch of 'todo-able' notes in a folder that can be individually checked off as completed from the note list itself. I'd usually say the advantage to using separate notes is that each note can have its own content within the body of the note, but with your use case of shared list syncing between people you're also less likely to end up with conflicts if people aren't editing one large note, since Joplin isn't a platform that sends all the connected clients updates in real-time.