this post was submitted on 08 Sep 2026
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hexbears living with partners, (how) do you share expenses? (hexbear.net)
submitted 4 days ago by GiorgioBoymoder@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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looking for some perspective. I've been sharing a home with a partner for a while and we split our shared expenses proportionally to our share of the household income, based on gross income (i.e. I make 60% and pay 60% (at least, often more) of what we've agreed are the shared expenses). we then do our best to evenly split household chores and tasks as we choose.

another option could be to structure contributions such that we have equal personal money after making our shared contributions.

I'd think it would be simple to determine what a "fair share is" but in practice it's not, plus I'm facing criticism for my focus on "fairness" itself in this sort of exchange.

how do you do things? is it working for you?

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[–] invalidusernamelol@hexbear.net 11 points 4 days ago (1 children)

If you aren't in a legally binging relationship, it's important for both/all people to have adequate savings btw. Once a relationship becomes financially burdensome with no way out it changes massively.

Everyone should feel like they're able to move on comfortably, even if it's not in the cards immediately, it's just one of those things that can spiral really quick.

[–] Feed_el_Castro@hexbear.net 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yeah, definitely glad we did that. The relationship ended up not working and I'm glad we both had the means to live independently after.

[–] invalidusernamelol@hexbear.net 2 points 3 days ago

It's good for when you need it, but it's also something that can start souring a relationship really quickly too.

There's a kinda dependance spiral that kicks in at some point and it gets really messy and uncomfortable. Someone always feels guilty, or trapped, or taken advantage of and everything becomes transactional.