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those of you with elderly parents 800 miles away, how do you take care of them? (linux.community)

submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by vestmoria@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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my parents live alone 800 miles away from me and are capable of living independently.

There might be a day they're not safe at home anymore and need to be taken care of.

I'm not a caregiver and while my father is flexible and can adapt, my mother is very strict with what she considers right and it's usually her way or the highway, reason why I would never live with her, let her live with me or take care of her alone. It would never work. My parents have a decent pension, no debt, and mostly love each other.

If it ever comes to me taking care of the administrative side of things 800 miles away, what does it look like? If you are in a situation like I described, how often do you visit?

Do you take care of them physically as well? I mean giving them showers, cleaning them, cleaning the house, feeding them, organizing their medicines, dressing them, answering 30 times per day the same question or old story because they forgot, because realistically I can do this up to 2 weeks per year, never on a permanent basis. I'm not a patient man.

I also want to live my life but where I grew up, small town in GA, the expectation seems to be I move in with my parents to physically take care of them, otherwise I'm not a good son.

ETA: thank you all for contributing

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[–] greatwhitebuffalo41@slrpnk.net 2 points 5 days ago

My Mom was in a nursing home for a few years before she passed. That was a bit different though, she had a stroke. My father has made his plans and thankfully my brother is near him. If your parents are still doing well mentally, now is the time to have this discussion.

Find out what they want, what they already have planned, if they have wils/trusts, do they have a DNR? Do they want to be kept on life support? How far do they want medical intervention to go? Do they want and can they afford in home care or, assisted living or a full on nursing home. Is their a plan for any property they may own if they need any type of care? And if you're in the US, how/when does Medicare/medicade kick in and do they have to use all their money and sell all their assets first?

Absolutely talk to them now when they can think about it. No one wants to talk about their death or their declining health but, I'd rather know their preferences than just blindly guess.