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those of you with elderly parents 800 miles away, how do you take care of them? (linux.community)

submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by vestmoria@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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my parents live alone 800 miles away from me and are capable of living independently.

There might be a day they're not safe at home anymore and need to be taken care of.

I'm not a caregiver and while my father is flexible and can adapt, my mother is very strict with what she considers right and it's usually her way or the highway, reason why I would never live with her, let her live with me or take care of her alone. It would never work. My parents have a decent pension, no debt, and mostly love each other.

If it ever comes to me taking care of the administrative side of things 800 miles away, what does it look like? If you are in a situation like I described, how often do you visit?

Do you take care of them physically as well? I mean giving them showers, cleaning them, cleaning the house, feeding them, organizing their medicines, dressing them, answering 30 times per day the same question or old story because they forgot, because realistically I can do this up to 2 weeks per year, never on a permanent basis. I'm not a patient man.

I also want to live my life but where I grew up, small town in GA, the expectation seems to be I move in with my parents to physically take care of them, otherwise I'm not a good son.

ETA: thank you all for contributing

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[–] Tikiporch@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

We converted the detached garage into a granny flat and moved them in there. They don't have a key to our house, and so have to call or knock when they want to visit - just like if they lived nearby but not in the back yard. It's the only way it can work for us. When they have something medical going on they stay with us in the guest room. I work from home so I can generally check in on them often.

Other than that, they're ~78 years old, but completely self sufficient for now, thankfully. When the day comes they're not, I'll probably take them out to the woods. They're my in-laws, if you had to ask.