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those of you with elderly parents 800 miles away, how do you take care of them? (linux.community)

submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by vestmoria@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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my parents live alone 800 miles away from me and are capable of living independently.

There might be a day they're not safe at home anymore and need to be taken care of.

I'm not a caregiver and while my father is flexible and can adapt, my mother is very strict with what she considers right and it's usually her way or the highway, reason why I would never live with her, let her live with me or take care of her alone. It would never work. My parents have a decent pension, no debt, and mostly love each other.

If it ever comes to me taking care of the administrative side of things 800 miles away, what does it look like? If you are in a situation like I described, how often do you visit?

Do you take care of them physically as well? I mean giving them showers, cleaning them, cleaning the house, feeding them, organizing their medicines, dressing them, answering 30 times per day the same question or old story because they forgot, because realistically I can do this up to 2 weeks per year, never on a permanent basis. I'm not a patient man.

I also want to live my life but where I grew up, small town in GA, the expectation seems to be I move in with my parents to physically take care of them, otherwise I'm not a good son.

ETA: thank you all for contributing

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[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

With what little info you've given...

They live on their own until one of them falls, or just straight up dies, and the other can't help.

No debt, decent pension (very fortunate, there). Sell the house and move them into assisted living. That's what most people in your situation do. It's not forever, but some people can hang on for much longer than expected. My guess is it will be your mom, both statistically, and she sounds like a fighter.

Or, you can go take care of them for a few years to protect your inheritance, if that's possible for you.

My dad started needing help when he couldn't drive anymore. Fortunately, both of my sisters lived nearby, while I had moved away. He had dementia and lived in assisted living for the last two years of his life.