this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2026
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Work Reform

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[–] KingPorkChop@lemmy.ca 67 points 13 hours ago (4 children)

Scenario 1:

  • 2 bedroom apartment. $2000 a month.
  • I pay $1000 a month.
  • Roommate pays $1000 a month.
  • Split utilities between us both.

Scenario 2:

  • 2 bedroom apartment. $2000 a month.
  • I pay $2000 a month.
  • I buy bed making robot. $15,000-20,000
  • I pay bed making robot subscription. $500+ a month.
  • I pay for all utilities

I can see how Scenario 2 will be much better for me. Sign me up.

Side note: That fucking robot better have a handjob mode.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 21 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

I mean, if you like getting handjobs from an Indian dude remotely controlling your robot, sure I guess? Though expect it to do that thing where it looks like it shuts down and then starts up again as it goes through a bunch of Indian dudes who see the request and then quit their job on the spot. Just hope you don't get one of the ones that punches you first.

[–] KingPorkChop@lemmy.ca 12 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

HA!

If I had a robot that was supposed to be AI, but actually run remotely from India, handjob mode would be the least of their concerns.

I'd put a strap-on on it, dress it up like a farmer, I'd dress like a can of tuna fish, I'd cover myself in cottage cheese and roll on the ground in convulsions screaming "FUCK ME WILBER! FUCK YOUR TUNA CAN! FUCK IT GOOD"....

..and that would just be Monday.

Those poor drivers would have PTSD when I'm done with them.

[–] odelik@lemmy.today 1 points 5 hours ago

I was right there with you until the cottage cheese came into the scene. Damn shame.

[–] postmateDumbass@lemmy.world 27 points 11 hours ago (2 children)
[–] PrimeErective@startrek.website 7 points 11 hours ago

Incredible joke 10/10

[–] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 5 points 10 hours ago

Pack it up everyone. This guy won the thread. Nothing more to see here, move along.

[–] prime_number_314159@lemmy.world 18 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

The handjob mode is only available with a Premium subscription, or ad free in Premium Plus.

[–] MonkeMischief@lemmy.today 10 points 11 hours ago

"Yeah, jobby-bot, keep going...wh... why'd you stop?"

"Gig working all day and getting handies burns a LOT of your energy, even though you never leave the house, and that's why you need HELLO FRESH. Say anything at all to start your subscription today and mention the code HandyJ20 for 20% off!"

"B...but..."

"Hate a ruined finish? Subscribe to ULTRA PREMIUM PLUS for no ads, plus get pillow talk and therapy mode!"

":("

[–] cantstopthesignal@sh.itjust.works 6 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Pay more to unlock new skins.

[–] impairedimperator@lemmy.zip 5 points 12 hours ago

And if you don't think you need extra skins, give the handjob mode a test drive.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 7 points 10 hours ago

gonna be honest, i really, really liked the 498 square foot studio i had to myself for a couple years in Austin. it barely had a kitchen, but i cooked gourmet meals for myself and it's honestly the cleanest i've ever kept a place. I discovered i make mess to subconsciously mark my territory and hide my property, since growing up my brothers would always steal my shit and my parents would leave us to fight it out since they just wanted kids to do their chores for them.

[–] CalemitousVariantK@lemmy.world 3 points 12 hours ago

Given the state of AI slop and how rocky the road to automated driving has gone, I think I'll wait on handjob mode until the lawsuits have all paid out.