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Am I holding an unhealthy grudge? (linux.community)

submitted 1 day ago by lenore582@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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A coworker who was the reason why I was moved to another department (she is friends with the manager) changed departments herself and now I sometimes have to work with her.

First time she saw me at her new position she greeted me as nothing happened, as she wasn’t the reason why I was moved laterally. I replied with a non effusive hi.

I don’t engage in non job related conversations with her, if I have to work with her I just ask her in a neutral voice where is what I need and proceed to do my job. Otherwise I avoid her because I don’t trust her. I don't have to work with her whole shifts or every day, which is good.

The incident I mentioned on my first paragraph happened 2 years ago and I still remember it enough not to like that person. I don’t know if more mature folks would have already forgotten about it but I cannot. Am I holding an unhealthy grudge? I mean I’m happy if I don’t have to see her.

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[–] dingus@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

It's difficult, man. It will probably make you happier if you could just forget about it, but brains don't work that way. Plus some people just seem to be way better at it than others.

A mildly traumatic thing happened in my workplace. I have plenty of functional days, but other days things return to my brain without my inviting them and it makes it more difficult to function. Sometimes I get transported back into time like I'm there.

One thing I read about is the concept of mental "time traveling". When we remember these things, it's like we are literally back in that very moment. But that is not what is happening right at this very moment. You are "safe". You are not back in time being harmed right now.

Is it wise to not trust her anymore if she has proven herself to be untrustworthy? Absolutely.

But in order to free yourself better, you have to first notice that you are time traveling. Then look at things in your environment. Not her, but try to take in all of the sensory input around you. Remind yourself that you are here, not there. Recognize that the only time that exists is right now. Even one second in the past no longer exists and even one second in the future doesn't exist yet. Work with what is around you now.

Idk if that is at all helpful, just something that I have read about lately. Way fucking easier said than done because I still struggle.

Wishing you well.