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AITAH?
(lemmy.zip)
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this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2024
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I personally don't want to know about before and won 't ask, but that's up to everyone's personal relationship standards.
My wife and I were both open about ours, and being open about it made trusting easier. I'm not sure who would have an problem knowing approximate numbers unless they have jealousy issues or are judgy.
Personally, I would not care if my partner had slept with many other men before settling down with me, as long as she had clearly chagee. But there are definitely others who would judge the past for one reason or another.
Definitely there is double standards when it comes to "body count". When a man sleeps with as many women as possible, he's the man. But when a woman sleeps around with others, then she is branded a slut and her past is scrutinised.
Volume isn't as important as whether they wrre cheating in my opinion. If they cheated on 2 or more people that would be a massive red flag, while being single and promiscuous wouldn't.
Cheating on one person is one person too much, but that is only my value system. Different people have different tolerances and values.
My partner could have slept with a thousand men, and that wouldn't matter as long as there was no cheating and no abuse in these interactions.
I guess that I am trying to say that I agree with you in too many worda
I've only ever really felt jealousy when it involved a woman turning me down and then sleeping with somebody else. As long as I'm allowed in the club, I don't really care how many other people have been let in.
I have known too many people whose early relationships were bad enough that they cheated once not out of malice, but because they didn't feel they could leave but found someone who treated them better. Then they chose to end relationships instead and it really was a one time thing.
Bascially I can see one as a learning experience depending on the context.
Double standards are really harsh, when a woman sleeps with lots of men, she’s a slut. When a man does the same, he’s gay.
Tea?
Because some people like to use it as a bludgeon (or get jealous, as you say). After a couple of those, I decided not talking about it was best and that someone really NEEDING to know/talk about it is actually a potential red flag.