So, I wrote this satirical piece a couple of years ago in a satanic subreddit. It did not go well, which I found ironic and funny. I think the general argument was that it would upset people and also make satanists look bad.
What I wanted was the reader to see the clear connection to circumcision and that it claims to have religious, sexual and scientific grounds.
Our children, when born, should immediately, or at least within a reasonable time after birth, strengthen their covenant with Satan.
Our third tenet prohibits essentially all types of modifications and mutilations to others' bodies without their consent, but it can be argued that a young child does not know what is best for them and, furthermore, at such an early age, cannot understand our seven tenets.
Therefore, I argue that we can deviate from our tenets for the well-being of the children, especially if we consider the fifth tenet, which recommends that we act based on the best understanding we have of science and scientific evidence.
When it comes to modification or mutilation of children's bodies, tenet three and five contradict each other in principle.
Thus, it is reasonable to mutilate a child's body if the mutilation is done on scientific grounds, enhances the child's qualities in life, and strengthens the covenant with Satan.
My proposal for this physical modification of underage children is to quickly cut or surgically remove the frenulum linguae, the frenulum under the tongue, immediately after birth.
Between 5 and 10 percent of all children are born with a tight lingual frenulum and may have difficulty with breastfeeding as a result. Furthermore, a tight lingual frenulum can cause a deformed tongue when the child's tongue is stretched, as well as difficulty for the child in pronouncing certain sounds.
In addition to helping children with this issue, such an intervention would also give the child the ability to stick their tongue out in a way similar to Gene Simmons (Chaim Witz), which I find really cool in a satanic spirit.
For heterosexual boys and homosexual girls, one can also argue that this operation provides advantages in sexual intercourse later in life, especially in cunnilingus, but also analingus between homosexual men.
This will also result in indirect genital and anal hygiene for individuals who want to receive oral sex in the forms I have described above, benefiting society as a whole.
It does depend on the questions and the answers.
I mean, I could ask something like "how was it to be a prophet in Jerusalem around the year 33?" and that would be a good history question. But if I asked how Noah built the ark, I could also ask were leprechauns get the gold for their pots....