Casual Conversation

I think your mum identified a real cultural difference, but she's blaming it incorrectly.

Your point #2 is spot on: as you grow older you're expected to do more things your own way, than you did as a child. Take some risks, learn with mistakes, get other things right. That's so biological that even chimps are like this too.

So at least some level of "let me cook!" is expected. Even if your family stayed in China, or if moved elsewhere than USA.

However, that does interact with culture. Because we humans want two things:

1. independence - the ability to act on our own
2. community - support from our own peers (family, friends, etc.)

Both are desirable, but mutually exclusive - you can't have your cake and eat it too. But how much of each we give up for the sake of the other depends on culture. And based on a lot of things I think people in USA are expected to focus on #1 at expense of #2, while people in China focus on #2 at the expense of #1. (That's a continuum, though. Nobody is giving up all their independence, or all their community.)

And that's bound to interact with how adolescents are expected to behave. With your parents being raised to expect a lot less independence of you than you, being raised in USA, want.

So… do you think Americans (or Westerners in general) are “too rebellious”? Were you “too rebellious” growing up? If you have children, do you think they are “too rebellious”? Should kids be being “more obedient”?

My family wasn't even remotely healthy so it's poor grounds for comparison. But let's say I learned rather quickly how to do my own thing while pretending to play along a screeching mother, who dumped her stress on her two children. (For reference I'm from Latin America, and almost 40.)

I don't have children. The nearest of a "filial figure" I have is a nephew. If anything I think he's a bit too obedient.

I never considered myself to be rebellious, just someone trying to live their own life. My parents were very vocal about their dissatisfaction, but they didn't seem to like kids in general.

I think citizens of every country are not rebellious enough.

1. It's their fault that they brought you to Sodom or Gomorrah which made you disobedient
2. Rebellion and disobedience is how we improve society
3. This is natural for children, especially male children to leave their group where they grew up (and being rebelious is part of it), just look at Lions and other animals. How else would they find a partner?

I was rebellious. It started when I was in the 4th grade, and I had a goofy teacher. It made me want to not be serious and not do my work.

I started slacking off. By the 6th grade, I decided to skip school one day. I got caught in a Best Buy-like store (I can’t remember the name) playing Nintendo on the store display.

By the 7th grade, I befriended a 9th grader who taught me how to skip school and not get caught. It was addictive. He also taught me how to break into people’s houses (mostly through doggie doors) and steal. We got busted by the cops for truancy once, and he ratted me out saying I was the ring leader.

I spent a lot of summers in summer school making up for all the failed classes (due to skipping class). It should also be noted that I was a latchkey kid (80s and 90s), and we had an answering machine that I would regularly wipe messages from the school before my parents got home.

When I was 15, my parents joined Amway and would go on regular weekend trips. So my brother would have his of-age friend buy us booze using the food money, and we would throw huge house parties that usually ended with the cops being called. I would get blackout drunk on those weekends.

I used to drive my car to drivers ed.

I dropped out of high school three times. I also attempted suicide 7 times. It’s a miracle Im alive.

My kids are nothing like me (so far), and I aim to keep it that way. I don’t lie to them, and I will gladly tell them about my childhood. They need to know that I understand that shit happens so they can come to me with any problems they have.

I don’t force or guilt them into doing things. I give them choices. I also give them consequences. They don’t always agree with me, but they at least do what needs to be done (they are both usually A/B students). My oldest got his first D in 7th grade Spanish. I’m glad he did. Now he knows what it feels like to not succeed, and hopefully won’t suffer as much anxiety when he starts struggling the next time; i.e. he knows that life will go on regardless of what grade he gets.

I am American. Born and bred in the south, no less. I’ve seen both blatant and subtle/accidental racism first hand from my family. I’ve also seen financial struggles and a foreclosure on my childhood home. But I’m still blessed compared to most. And I won’t hesitate to help anybody out when I can (I don’t care who you are). I can only hope my kids grow up to do the same.

~Take all that for what you will. It’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.~

There are well established concepts of "individualist" and "collectivist" cultures in sociology and generally western cultures tend to be more individualist (the US tops that rating, I believe) and East Asian cultures tend to be more collectivist.

So your parents are probably correct in thinking that US culture has influenced you to be more individualistic than if you had grown up in China. Whether that's a good or a bad thing is entirely a matter of opinion.

If mom and dad are still paying all your bills and feeding you then you do owe it to them to follow the rules of their household.