Greentext

Joke on my ex fiance. Although it might be on me considering she cheated.

There is no fixing here, this is an armed bomb

It's clearly a step-mom if anything.
(Tho op didn't actually specify Jocastas family details.)

When you put it like that... 😅

Pet does not sound too bad, sex is optional.

I know you aren’t asking for advice but many people search for partners in places that only have 1 type of person. For example you don’t look for a wife at the club or you don’t look for a party animal at church.

Sounds like you are looking for a certain type of person in exactly the opposite place you should be looking.

I grew up in the country where lots of people are like this. As an adult, I've always lived in cities. I'm some odd amalgamation of the two, perfectly content in not chasing goals but also hyper vigilant in avoiding people that enable poor health decisions. It's quite a zen life, to be honest, but I often come upon people who work both extremes: pushing me toward unhealthy habits or pushing me toward more prestigious paths, assuming depression. I don't know; I'm just happy to be healthy, competent, and well fed.

And, I've always been single, having never been compelled to try. When you don't intend to have children, the calculus changes. I would enjoy having the full human experience, but my outlook prevents me from making that choice.

Also note that i've observed that there's whole swaths of areas which seem to have the same/similar personality type. Like, i grew up in some backwards country village, and all the people there seemed to have a very specific type of mentality that i didn't share (which is why i hated it there). Note: i was an immigrant child. After moving to the big city, i met much more like-minded people, and everything got better.

My lesson is: In some areas, even large parts of land, people are very similar and if you don't get along with them, it's probably best if you move somewhere completely else instead of trying to stay and make friends with them.

"I can fix him"

A lot of women get off on the idea of "flawed but ultimately good man is saved by woman's love and support." It's a whole trope.

Looked at from a more autistic angle (we are on Lemmy, after all), we can imagine women's options of men as a matrix. On one axis: is a jerk/is not a jerk. On the other: has shit together/does not have shit together.

Supposing you are a woman of average dating appeal in your market, you will initially be attracted to guys who have their shit together. This makes sense, and is the premise of your comment - why would a woman date a guy who doesn't have his shit together? But you run into a problem: guys who have their shit together and aren't jerks have a lot of options. They are either quickly removed from the dating market, or else they have no reason to settle down with any one particular woman - least of all one who is completely average. So an average woman looking for a long term partner among guys who have their shit together will find the market flooded with jerks.

After dating a few jerks and finding their jerk-ness doesn't improve with time, you will start considering your other option: guys who don't have their shit together, but are nice. Sure this guy always has a sink full of dirty dishes and has never thought of asking for a raise at his job - but he's appreciative enough that he has any woman in his life that you can feel secure knowing he won't beat you or belittle you or cheat on you or leave you. You just have to get him to do his dishes or whatever, which is a more solveable problem than training a jerk to not be a jerk.

I believe OPs story is how it originally worked in a lot of traditional marriages. Women stays home but keeps a close eye on any business activity her man does. Since he earns a lot of money when he's productive, she tries to keep him productive by pushing him in the right way. That's how marriage worked. That was a long time ago, however, and such a strategy would not make sense today because people rarely stay together long enough for such a game to pay off for the women.

Personally, I prefer dating a woman who has sex with me when she wants to because she wants to. Fuck these manipulative head games.

These things should come naturally as you desire being the best version of yourself for your partner

how i knew i could marry my wife, i wanted to do this.

Pre negotiated consensual power exchange? No thanks I want the unhealthy version please

Meh. It's more finding the person that compliments you. Your SO should compliment you so your weaknesses are less pronounced and likewise you should do that with your SO.

A rising tide lifts all boats.

Why would they divorce? It sounds like OOP is doing everything his girl wants.