I don't blame you, the survivors guilt from ODs is very real. There are multiple times I've overdosed back when I was still in active addiction and I got saved by dumb luck. I know a lot of good people who didn't have the same dumb luck as I did. AA makes me want to say that it was a higher power, but where was that higher power for all the people that didn't survive? The best thing you can do is just keep living and keep the memories of those people alive, because they were all so much more than an overdose statistic.
Feeling for you today <3