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So... my mom said to me that, when I was younger, that I "behaved" more, and is sad that I "don't behave" like I used to as a child... what lmao? Did your parents said that you are being "rebellious"? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 3 days ago by DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works to c/casualconversation@piefed.social

7 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Not really a political debate, btw, this is more of a cultural discussion thing.

So... my mom said to me that, when I was younger, that I "behaved" more, and it's only after we came to the US that I started to act more "rebellious"... so she's blaming the US Culture?!? What lmao?

Because she's saying Americans are more "rebellious" so it's therefore it has to be the culture here has apparantly "poisoned" my mind?

Lmao what?

So sad you don't hold your leash that tight like you envisioned, mom? 🤣

So... I'm just like...

(1) my parents made the decision to move, but now they're gonna blame an entire country they chose to move to???

(2) kids want more invidividuality as they grow older... like this is probably biology... but sure, "if I was in China I'd be 'behaving' more"... like teachers slapping your hand with a 1 meter ruler? that? or a walled-off internet and information access?

(3) the exact word is 聽話 which has multiple meanings, not sure which one is the intended use, but one of the definitions is: "obedient"... so.... 👀 I'm... not... being obedient... enough... ???

(4) my parents should be the last ones to talk about obedience/disobedience to me; my existence is literally the result of them being disobedient to the government policy and gave birth to me in spite of the One Child Policy (hell, many people did that too, I'm not alone being an "illegal" second child, so is Chinese society rebellious too?), so they talk about disobedience, my existence was precisely the result of an act of disobedience, maybe disobedience is my fated nature.

So... do you think Americans (or Westerners in general) are "too rebellious"? Were you "too rebellious" growing up? If you have children, do you think they are "too rebellious"? Should kids be being "more obedient"?

🤔

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[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 5 points 3 days ago

I think your mum identified a real cultural difference, but she's blaming it incorrectly.

Your point #2 is spot on: as you grow older you're expected to do more things your own way, than you did as a child. Take some risks, learn with mistakes, get other things right. That's so biological that even chimps are like this too.

So at least some level of "let me cook!" is expected. Even if your family stayed in China, or if moved elsewhere than USA.

However, that does interact with culture. Because we humans want two things:

independence - the ability to act on our own
community - support from our own peers (family, friends, etc.)

Both are desirable, but mutually exclusive - you can't have your cake and eat it too. But how much of each we give up for the sake of the other depends on culture. And based on a lot of things I think people in USA are expected to focus on #1 at expense of #2, while people in China focus on #2 at the expense of #1. (That's a continuum, though. Nobody is giving up all their independence, or all their community.)

And that's bound to interact with how adolescents are expected to behave. With your parents being raised to expect a lot less independence of you than you, being raised in USA, want.

So… do you think Americans (or Westerners in general) are “too rebellious”? Were you “too rebellious” growing up? If you have children, do you think they are “too rebellious”? Should kids be being “more obedient”?

My family wasn't even remotely healthy so it's poor grounds for comparison. But let's say I learned rather quickly how to do my own thing while pretending to play along a screeching mother, who dumped her stress on her two children. (For reference I'm from Latin America, and almost 40.)

I don't have children. The nearest of a "filial figure" I have is a nephew. If anything I think he's a bit too obedient.