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this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2024
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She had every opportunity to be honest from the outset of their relationship. Getting caught lying isn't some magic reset where now you get to tell your side.
Talking about this in terms of social contract theory is really sidestepping the morality of the issue. Would you say that her lying entitles OP to punch her in the face? Surely not, two wrongs don't make a right, punitive justice is bad, etc. What OP should do is investigate the issue with her not because she "gets to" tell her side or has a right to, but because he doesn't know what the consequences of telling the husband would be. For all he knows, the husband is abusive and would beat her for this transgression, transgression though it is. The most likely outcome is, of course, that the husband is not abusive, but the most likely outcome of a round of Russian roulette is that you go unharmed. In either case, there is a real risk that is severe enough that it's worth checking, even if it's substantially less likely.
Actually, within your framework, the morally correct thing to do is make sure she didn't notice you seeing her, quietly break it off, and do absolutely nothing else beyond that. You can't possibly know for certain the outcomes of your actions no matter how much "investigation" you do, so the possibility of causing a negative outcome exists if you attempt to influence the situation in any way.
That only makes sense if you completely discount the husband as a moral patient. While I'm arguing that he's been slightly over-emphasized, I am by no means discounting him and in most possible scenarios believe he should be informed. If he has no history known to his wife of probably 4+ years of being an abuser to her or others as far as she knows, it's pretty unlikely that he is. Making the decision to not tell him anyway on the very, very unlikely chance that he, as a historically normal dude, snaps and blows her head off with a shotgun, is completely discounting the guaranteed outcome of him being wronged by being left in the dark about this.